Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Rant: Madonna Opens Girls School in Malawi. Wow, That’s Sooo Oprah

So we all know how commited Madonna is to swiping helping the children of Malawi.  Ever since she stole adopted two of her own, she’s become aware of the overwhelming health crisis affecting the country’s people (especially its children).  All well and good.  Now, she’s on Huffington Post and YouTube asking for us to pledge our recession-cursed dollars to help her build an all-girls school there.  Yes, how very Oprah of her.

And you know what? I’d say “good for her” because hell, the people over there are in such crappy shape that who gives a shit where Madonna got the idea from as long as she’s commiting to help – right?

So here’s my beef with her: Madonna says she’ll match each dollar pledged, up to $100,000. Just to give us all incentive.

$100,000? That’s it??? This is Madonna we’re talking about.  She pissed out $100,000 in herbal teas just this morning.  $100,000 covers the cost of her colonics for three months.  $100,000 wouldn’t even cover the cost of her red stringy Kaballah bracelets, that’s how little $100,000 is to her.

Hell, she paid $1.4 million for a townhouse in New York recently, just to keep her boyfriend named (and I’m not making this up) Jesus closer to her.  That’s a lot more than $100,000.

Madonna, I know how competitive you are, and trust me, Oprah paid a lot more than $100,000 for her eponymous school in Africa.  Really.

Do you know that her Sticky and Sweet Tour made revenues of more than $91 MILLION DOLLARS last year? And that’s just for the North American leg of the tour alone.   That’s not counting Europe (where they’ve been putting up with her nonsense all through the Guy Ritchie years) or Japan (where they’re just bat shit for anything American). 

That’s like, crazy money. Tell ya what, Madonna.  Why don’t you just BUY Malawi for the low, low price of $10 million dollars, crown yourself Queen, and fix the motherfucker yourself? And then, if you need some extra for, like vaccines or mosquito netting, then come to me. I’m more than happy to give you my $100 worth.

Now in all fairness, perhaps she’s giving more money than that, and she’s keeping it on the down-lo.  Let’s hope…because otherwise it looks like the worst of her publicity stunts yet.

$100,000? Puhleezeee…..