Tag Archives: celebrity

10 Worst Celebrity Baby Names of 2010 (and Some from 2009 too)

 

Yeah, yeah…I know I usually do these type of lists at the end of the year, but truth is kittens, mama missed doing the Top Ten Worst Celebrity Baby Names last year, and there are some real doozeys already for 2010.  So let’s get started, shall we?

10.  Mars Merkaba (child of Erykah Badu  and Jay Electronica)

Neo soul/R&B artist Erykah Badu has always been an original creation of her own making.  A little wackadoo, but worth the trouble nonetheless.  And I loved when she named her first son, Seven, because – as she said – “Seven as a number and a force cannot be divided.”  How fuckin’ cool is that?

But I take issue with naming your baby Mars, after the Red Planet.  Maybe the name stands for something else, but to this white Jewish matzoh cracker, it just looks random and stupid.  ‘Nuff said.

9. Kaydnz Koda (child of  T Pain)

Y’all know I do not really keep up with rap artists, and this includes T Pain. But I do know the African-American community likes names with a  (how do you say it…)  um…unique sound. 

Kedisha

Tameeka

Uniqua (that one’s from The Backyardigans, doncha know)

You get the idea.  So you tell me this…is the latest trend amongst the rap artist community to adopt names with more consonants than a Polish province?  This name’s just a hot mess, and it goes perfectly with his daddy’s mouth grill. Yeah, I said it.

8. Ikhyd Edgar Arular (child of M.I.A)

Okay, I stand corrected. Maybe it’s not just African-American rappers who are all consonant-crazy cuz M.I.A. hit her son up with a mouthful as well. She showed me there boy.

7. Sparrow James Midnight (child of Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden)

Well thank GOD for Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden because without them coming up with the pussy of a choice name – Sparrow – for their son, then I would’ve thought all the crazy was relegated to the rappers.

I adored the name they picked for their daughter (Harlow) – so much so, I wished I would’ve thought of it.  But naming your boy Sparrow is just asking for an ass whoopin’.  Although I guess it’s better than naming him(gulp) Swallow, but who am I kidding? Either choice makes him sound like a gay pirate.

6. Atlas Heche Tupper  (child of Anne Heche James Tupper)

Ok, speaking of wackadoo celebrities, few have anything over Anne Heche.  Jesus, she’s a whole carton of crazy town, so I should probably thank her for only naming her kid after a book of maps and not after one of her hallucinatory characters she ‘heard’ when she snapped and went off the grid after Ellen dumped her sorry ass way back when. So Atlas, consider yourself…um….lucky?

P.S.  I can’t WAIT ’til that kid grows up and writes the tell-all about growing up in that household.

5. Petal Blossom Rainbow Oliver – Jools and Jamie Oliver

I like Jamie Oliver. I really do.  I think what he’s trying to do for our kids, by making school lunches healthier, is admirable and desperately needed.

But the name of his latest creation reads like something you make up while tripping on Ecstasy at a bad 1990s rave revival. It just sucks weinis.

I’m sure Petal Blossom Rainbow will end up in some crunchy granola West London preschool co-op with other unfortunately labeled celeb spawns like Apple and Moses Martin, or some other self-important Brit.

4. Bandit Lee (child of Gerard Way, My Chemical Romance)

I’m sure Gerald Way and his pretty baby mama are too young to catch this cultural reference, but sorry…everytime I hear the name ‘Bandit’, I can’t help but think of that Baaaad 70s movie, ‘Smokey and the Bandit.’

Which makes me think of Burt Reynolds.

Which then makes me think of Burt Reynolds in ‘Boogie Nights’.

When always make me think of porn. Bad 70s porn.

Which mean when I hear of Bandit Lee Way, I think this child was born to act in porn. And I can’t imagine any parent wants people to relate their offspring to anything porno-related. 

Oh and the band, My Chemical Romance, is worse than 70s porn… and won’t last as long.

3. Dexter Lloyd (child of Charlotte Church)

When did Chalotte Church grow up, btw? Last I saw her, she was this precocious child star with this amazing operatic voice.  Now she’s popping out babies!

And in classic British fashion, she has given her child a name guaranteed to prevent him from getting laid for a long, long time.  Good job there Char…oh and don’t forget to forgo all basic dental care…another British classic worthy of repetition.

2. Bob (child of Charlie Sheen)

Let’s see if I can stop laughing long enough to write about this gem.

Jesus, what’s NOT wrong with Charlie Sheen? Well, the fact that he named one of his twins the most boring name, like, EVER, is a start.  OR maybe we should blame the baby mama for not only allowing Charlie to name a child he’ll never be around long enough to raise, but for believing the age old lie every woman has told herself at least once,  “He’ll be different with ME this time. I can change him.”

We never learn.

Anyway, for all my bitchin’ about the strange tongue twisting names many celebrities come up with, at least they’re not boring like Bob. There’s just no excuse for such right-brain laziness in Tinseltown.

1. Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa (child of actress Lisa Bonet and actor Jason Momoa)

I swear, I didn’t make up this name just so I could end on a high note.  Just let me know who should call Child Protective Services first, you or me, because this name is just pure, unadulterated abuse.

I didn’t think it could get worse than the last time I wrote this list, but shut my mouth.  I’ve been proven wrong again.

Just Say No to Drugs?

So I just heard that Jen McCarthy and Jim Carrey have broken up after five years.  And while I am certainly bummed that these two couldn’t work it out, it’s the reason why they broke up which I find more upsetting than anything else. 

Supposedly, Carrey is having another serious bout of depression, disappearing for days at a time, or holing himself up at his home, and not taking any calls.  Additionally, he is refusing to take any meds, despite of having a lifelong history of depression.  He has taken Prozac for short durations, but refused to be on any anti-depressant long-term,  as stated in a Larry King interview in 2008:

KING: Didn’t you suffer from depression?
CARREY: Yes, yes. I’m on a manic high right now. Can’t you tell?
KING: How did you get through that to this?
CARREY: Well, that’s another thing. You know at the risk of like opening up the whole Tom Cruise Prozac argument, you know, I don’t disagree in many ways. I think Prozac and things like that are very valuable to people for short periods of time. But I believe if you’re on them for an extended period of time, you never get to the problem. You never get to see what the problem is, because everything is just kind of OK. And so, you don’t deal. And people deal when they get desperate.
KING: So how did you do it?
CARREY: I take supplements.
KING: Vitamins?
CARREY: Yes — well, it’s not — well, it is vitamins. But it’s also certain elements of the brain like Tyrosine and hydroxytryptophan that they’re treating depression with now. It is a natural substance that’s in your brain. Instead of being a Serotonin inhibitor, which just uses the serotonin you have and Prozac and things like that — it just uses the Serotonin you have and it doesn’t allow it go back into the receptor. It metabolizes your serotonin after a while and you have to keep taking more and more to feel good. This actually creates dopamine and creates serotonin. It’s a wonderful thing. It’s amazing. I’m going to talk a lot about it in the near future.
KING: You’re going to write about it?
CARREY: Yes.

I don’t know, is it me or am I the only one who’s really getting tired of actors pretending to have medical degrees?  There’s nothing wrong with becoming an educated patient, and I believe each of us must be our own best advocate, and not solely reliant on a hierarchically organized, paternalistic medical model.  That said….um DUDE…you suffer from depression, a scientifically studied, neurologically oriented mental health disorder.  And a couple of chewable Flintstones ain’t gonna cut it. 

I also know some are going to blame his former girl Jen for his anti-drug stance, because most people believe she’s anti-vaccine when in actuality, she does believe in vaccines – just on a more delayed schedule and without unnecessary additives.  That said, she’s another one who comes off as a medical expert on the talk show circuit, and the last time I checked, you don’t get an MD from having hosted MTV. I’m just saying…

Usually, I take things that celebrities say about as seriously as I take the babblings of a toddler, but in this case, I take issue with what’s going on here.  I don’t think he doesn’t take his meds because he wants to deal with the root cause of his problems, I think Jim Carrey doesn’t take his meds because he’s uncomfortable with the stigma attached to mental illness.  Because by taking his meds – and taking them for the long-term – that means he has to put himself into the category of people who are chronically mentally ill…and I guess while it’s ok to wear your girlfriend’s thong bathing suit in front of the paparazzi, it’s not ok to have to take ‘crazy pills’ for the rest of your life.

I guess I’m taking this personally because I used to be Jim Carrey.  I too have suffered from depression on and off throughout my life, and for thirty-plus years refused to take any meds (something I wrote about here).  I get how difficult it is to accept that depression is the shadow which will haunt the corners of your house for the rest of your life.  I understand how terrifying it is to think that others think you ‘crazy’ or ‘unstable’.  I also understand that when you’re in the midst of your disorder, your normative, cognitive rationale will fail you, and while you think you’re handling your disorder just fine – without therapy, without medication – everyone around you bites their lip while watching you flaying in the ocean of your own despair.

After thirty-odd years of being so staunchly against antidepressants, you know what finally turned me around to at least giving them a try?  It was a fifteen-year-old girl. 

I was at my cousin’s bar mitzvah, and his older sister – who is beautiful and charming, smart and funny – stood in front a synagogue audience of about 500 people and talked about not only how much she loved her little brother, but how she envied him his social ease and his laissez fare attitude.  She talked about her need to take anti-depressant and anti anxiety meds, and how she wished it all came as easily for her as it did for him.  Fifteen years old. 

And I sat there in awe of her as she joked about her struggles in front of family and strangers alike.  And if it was even possible, I loved her more…which made me realize how ridiculous I had been all these years, fearing that others would judge me.  Because I certainly didn’t judge her.  In the end, by releasing my own need for control, I regain a part of myself that would have otherwise alluded me…the part that feels joy and gratitude, even in the middle of the chaos…the part that is able to distinguish real problems from distractions….the part of me others feel at ease around.

I wish that for Jim Carrey. I wish that for us all.

Dangerous Minds

So I’m sure that unless you’ve been living under a rock – a really BIG rock – you’ve no doubt heard about the latest infidelity debacle Sandra Bullock is currently enduring.  I’ve read a slew of crap pieces (I know, my bad) ranging from the typical, venemous ‘how could he do this to HER???’ to an idiotic, correlation between winning an Oscar for best actress to being hit with spousal infidelity…with the not-so-subtle message stating ‘be careful not to get TOO successful Ladies…otherwise your man’s gonna use his pecker to excavate his lost man pride’.

Please.

On a more personal note, I now know seven couples…yes, SEVEN couples….in various stages of deep marital strife or divorce.  Two of those due to serial infidelity.  My side of the family is also no stranger to this ‘phenomenon’ – and due to this, I’ve delineated what I think are the basic two reasons why people cheat while in seemingly content marriages:

(1) Duh, they’re actually not so happy after all, and are looking for a endorfin-drip-laden escape or

(2) Because they thought they could.

I want to discuss the latter, admittedly over-simplified reason above. 

I have absolutely no doubt that Tiger and Jesse and others I’ve known are deeply in love with their spouses.  I also believe they thought they were special or clever enough to get away with it.  There’s an old expression: “To cheat is French, to get caught is American.”  Apparently true.

And while I cannot condone infidelity, I think it’s safe to say I understand the urge.  That’s human.  I am also deeply in love with my husband and treasure the life we’ve built with our two kids.  But that hasn’t stopped me from fantasizing about the allure of tasting something different.  Jesus, even Jimmy Carter admitted to being adulterous in his thoughts back in the 70s – and THAT was considered a big scandal at the time.  Let’s now LOL over THAT one, people.

Because there is always going to be someone you didn’t get to have….or something your spouse won’t do that maybe the tattoo-laden hussy is more than happy to give you.  You’ve been there. I’ve been there. I’m sure Mr. Mix rides that wave as well (although I must admit I can’t think of something I wouldn’t do with him, but whatev).  In fact, thanks to the latest hookup bar otherwise known as Facebook, Mr. Mix has been hounded by an ex of his – wanting to ‘get together’ a little too often. Sigh.

And the truth is, maybe if I had frequent absences from my spouse – coupled with living in a world full of celebrity self-entitlement, maybe I or Mr. Mix would find ourselves entangled in a similar mess.  Does that reflect bad character? Probably…but I think Chris Rock has a point when he says we are only as faithful as our options. 

So, what’s the answer? Well, after thirteen years of marriage, I’ve delineated once again the options down to three:

(1) You and your spouse are gonna ride your own ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’ and have one of those open, 70s-disco-coke-inspired marriages where almost everything goes.  Good luck with that.

(2) You’re gonna sneak around and get caught. No really, you will.  And uh no, you’re not that smart.

(3) You decide that you’re not really into seeing your spouse ride someone else in front of you, and you’re not quite alternative enough for one of those polyamorous arrangements, so you choose monogamy.  And if you do choose this option, you surround yourself with others who have made the same choice – for better or for worse – in order to curb your out-of-marital-bond enthusiasm. So to speak.

In other words, you follow Chris Rock’s advice and YOU limit your options.  Figure out what your own triggers are – and then don’t go there.  Sex can be the same thing as drugs and alcohol…they become a problem when the consequences start to seriously mess with your life.  And I don’t say this as some Buddha-on-the-mountain…in the past, I have come dangerously close to blowing it with Mr. Mix over my ego-driven flirtations.  Why? Not because I’m a celebrity or some testoserone-infected lothario.

Because I thought I could. 

Does that make me an asshole? Yep. Does that make me human? Right again. 

I guess what I’m saying is, I unfortunately get what Tiger and Jesse and other like them were thinking.  I guess the difference is, I didn’t actually do it.  The question is, did I not do it because of my character or my options? I don’t have an answer for that, and the whole point of this piece is to say I’m not going to test myself trying to find that out either.  It’s not worth it.

A Mix & Bitch Account of The American Music Awards

 

I’m not a fan of award shows for their designated purpose per se, of giving the entertainment industry a ‘pat on the back’ for every semi-creative hiccup that comes out of their mouths.  But they’re great if you need to expunge the snarky within.  Because they’re so over-the-top these days, the opportunity to let out the inner bitchy critic is just too easy to resist.  So without further adieu, here I go…

I’m a fan of Kate Hudson. I think she channels the adorable and quirky just as good as her mama, Goldie Hawn ever did.  And I really do get that she’s a thin girl with little on top.  But man o man, take a look at this shot from the AMAs…

I mean – MY GOD – there’s nothing there!  Not even two little training bra bumps. Jesus, Kate…eat some sandwiches with extra mayo and grow a pair.  We’ve seen you with them before.  Remember when?

Ok, granted… you were pregnant in this picture.  But sans the baby bump, you probably had an extra fifteen to twenty pounds on ya.  Get what kitten…they look good on you.

Speaking of growing a pair, seems now that Adam Lambert’s out of the American Idol box, he wants to get his freak on, like, ten fold…

Here, he’s alerting the crowd that, yes, he does have a penis.

And here, he’s making sure we’re all painfully aware of what he likes done to his penis.

And that he doesn’t want any girl cooties near his magic mike…

“Eew! Don’t touch it! It’ll shrinky-dink back to its original size!”

Ahh….that’s better….

Boy meets boy….boy mauls boy. A classic love story.

Speaking of bro-mances…look who 50 cent brought to the AMAs as his date…

Wow, it’s the former hottie – now puffy -Val Kilmer.  It breaks my heart to see how badly he’s aged….

Anyway, a lot of boy love at the AMA’s this year, which is – ya know – fine.  But leave it to Rhianna to remind us what a woman looks like…

Mind you, a bullet-touting, S & M bondage loving, hospital tape-wearing woman. Takes a lot of something to have the balls to wear this…which incidentally makes Rhianna the one sporting the biggest dick at the AMAs this year.

Take that Chris Brown, 50 cent, Lambert and your Merry Men…

Top Five Reasons Why John Mayer is a Douche Bag (and Why I’ll Buy His CDs Anyway)

     

Oh for Christ’s sake, will this guy just SHUT THE HELL UP???

Whew…I’ve been wanting to say that for way too long.  Before I grind my axe on that ridiculous lemonhead of his, I will say this: I actually like his music.  In fact, his break-out album, “Room for Squares,” was the only (and I do mean the only) CD that would calm down my youngest daughter while driving in the car – an activity she hated as a baby. 

So why am I picking on someone who I think has a lot of talent? Because he acts like a tool…so much so that I know more people than not who won’t admit to liking his music because he acts like such a fool.  The thing is…I don’t think John is stupid. Really.  I just think that fame came too hard and fast at too young an age, elevating every young person’s douche bag potential up to critical mass levels. John, at this point in your life, you’re so code red.

So think of me as big sista here who’s gonna set you straight and tell you what all your “yes” people won’t do to your face…

5.  Stop looking so annoyed when the press asks you if your new CD, “Battle Studies” is about Jennifer Aniston. 

What the fuck did you expect, asswipe? You haven’t shut up about her – for better and for worse – for two years.  Oh course the press is going to assume that some of the CD is about her.  Why are you looking so shocked, as if you can’t fathom the connection? If you’re going to play in their sandbox, expect to play all nine innings. Oh and one more thing…after all the lip flapping you did about her, the least you can do for Jen is immortalize her a bit and say she inspired a track or two. What? That would be such a big deal? I didn’t think so…

4. You may not be stupid John, but your women sure are…

Listen John, you’re not the first guy to fall for a pretty face. Hell, we’ve all been there.  But Jesus, Mary, and Joseph do you have to go for the most vacuous women in Hollywood?  I am astounded that each choice of yours gets even worse than the last.  Like who, you ask? Jennifer Love Hewitt? Jessica Simpson (and none of us believe her daddy’s story that she has a 160 IQ.)? And on and off again with the battiest chick in Hollywood, Jennifer Aniston? I have close friends of mine who work in the industry and in a town filled with insecure, flakey, and stupid actors, she’s known as the Queen Bee of the Dingbats.  My God, she makes Megan Fox look like a member of Mensa.

There are brilliant, beautiful women everywhere. Find one. And once you do, do us another favor and…

3. Stop with the kiss and tell. It makes you look like an ass and no one respects that guy.

I’m sure the gossip pages luv, luv, luv that you give all the juicy details on why you broke up with Jessica or why you had enough of Jen. But to the rest of us, you look like a prick. A prick with a big mouth. Shut it, already, and show some class.

2. Stop talking about every new tattoo you get.

Hey don’t get me wrong. I may not be an ink seeker myself, but I get the excitement of sporting a new tat.  But in every other interview I’ve seen of you, you rambling on and on about them.  Makes you look like a poser, dude.  Oh and here’s an FYI…I know you think that the Japanese drawing on your arm is oh-so-special and that the tattoo artist made you, like, beg for the honor of wearing that oh-so-rare design…but truth is kitten, I think you got played. Yeah, your art is nice and all, but I’m also sure he jacked up the price ten-fold and only made you squirm in order for you to think you were getting some high honor.  It’s called playing hard-to-get.  So enjoy your tats when you’re staring at yourself in your hotel mirror and shut up about it already, k?

1. You Tweet more than a 12-year-old girl, and your content is just as mature.

John, I’m all about artists reaching out to your public.  Hell, you’ve got over two million followers, so obviously people want to hear what you have to say.  But dammit Janet, I’d bet your iTunes sales that at least half of them plug into you because you have the worse diarrhea of the mouth I’ve ever seen on a grown (ahem) man. 

Do I really need to hear such philosophical musings like “I don’t belong to anyone and no one belongs to me,” and “tears make the saddest lube?” Are ya kidding me with that crap?  I bet you sign your name with little peace signs too, don’t ya buddy?

Ok, that’s it. I have vented.

Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Rant: Madonna Opens Girls School in Malawi. Wow, That’s Sooo Oprah

So we all know how commited Madonna is to swiping helping the children of Malawi.  Ever since she stole adopted two of her own, she’s become aware of the overwhelming health crisis affecting the country’s people (especially its children).  All well and good.  Now, she’s on Huffington Post and YouTube asking for us to pledge our recession-cursed dollars to help her build an all-girls school there.  Yes, how very Oprah of her.

And you know what? I’d say “good for her” because hell, the people over there are in such crappy shape that who gives a shit where Madonna got the idea from as long as she’s commiting to help – right?

So here’s my beef with her: Madonna says she’ll match each dollar pledged, up to $100,000. Just to give us all incentive.

$100,000? That’s it??? This is Madonna we’re talking about.  She pissed out $100,000 in herbal teas just this morning.  $100,000 covers the cost of her colonics for three months.  $100,000 wouldn’t even cover the cost of her red stringy Kaballah bracelets, that’s how little $100,000 is to her.

Hell, she paid $1.4 million for a townhouse in New York recently, just to keep her boyfriend named (and I’m not making this up) Jesus closer to her.  That’s a lot more than $100,000.

Madonna, I know how competitive you are, and trust me, Oprah paid a lot more than $100,000 for her eponymous school in Africa.  Really.

Do you know that her Sticky and Sweet Tour made revenues of more than $91 MILLION DOLLARS last year? And that’s just for the North American leg of the tour alone.   That’s not counting Europe (where they’ve been putting up with her nonsense all through the Guy Ritchie years) or Japan (where they’re just bat shit for anything American). 

That’s like, crazy money. Tell ya what, Madonna.  Why don’t you just BUY Malawi for the low, low price of $10 million dollars, crown yourself Queen, and fix the motherfucker yourself? And then, if you need some extra for, like vaccines or mosquito netting, then come to me. I’m more than happy to give you my $100 worth.

Now in all fairness, perhaps she’s giving more money than that, and she’s keeping it on the down-lo.  Let’s hope…because otherwise it looks like the worst of her publicity stunts yet.

$100,000? Puhleezeee…..

Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Rant: Are Rock Stars Too Smart for Scientology?

 

Scientology didn’t give Katie Holmes quite the career boost she was counting on, now did it?

So earlier in the week, film director Paul Haggis – a long, devoted Scientologist – disavowed himself from his pyramid scheme of a religion, mostly due to the organization’s lack of action against anti-gay legislative initiatives.  And my first reaction was “that’s what finally got him to jump ship and not all of the other bat-shit crazy stuff the cult  proclaims?” To each his own, I say. 

You know, I expect actors and directors to fall for the over-the-top declarations of a meglomaniacal science writer who’s been quoted as saying the best way to make some money is to start a religion…they live in Los Angeles for Christ’s sake…where even alien-inspired immortality is possible (L. Ron Hubbard’s words, not mine).  I’m not entirely convinced that some of them haven’t sold their souls to the Horned One/Tom Cruise in order to further their careers.  Beats having to blow Harvey Weinstein, that’s for sure.

So color me incredulous, but I expect more out of my rock stars/musicians than to fall for the likes of Scientology.  I guess I think of those in the music business as being a bit more jaded and savvy, and therefore not as likely to fall for L. Ron Hubbard’s dianetic debacle of a faith.  But I was wrong.  So wrong.  Take a look at the following in the music business who claim to be – gulp – Scientologists:

Ok, some of them you already know like…

Lisa Marie Presley (they can have her. No big loss)

Isaac Hayes (who’s dead and gone – guess he didn’t get high enough in

the organization to achieve Immortal Status, hmm?)

But did you know that Chaka Khan is one?

And Brandy?

Along with Dave Davies from The Kinks? THE KINKS???

Scientology can also lay claim to Rob Thomas, Doug E. Fresh

And last – and the one that breaks my heart the most….

Beck.

Sigh. You’re just too cool for Scientology. And supposedly, too intelligent and hip and funny to fall for a raging lunatic’s delusion of grandeur scheme. 

There were others before you, Beck, who had fallen for the Dianetic Diatribe, but came out the other side.  Here’s a list of former musician Scientologist who just….who just….stopped taking drugs long enough to realize what they’d gotten themselves into….they are:

Liz Phair

Leonard Cohen

Gloria Gaynor

Courtney Love (and psst, if you know that Scientology was too crazy for Courtney Love, then MAN, it must be WHACK)

Al Jarreau (what’s with all the black people in Scientology? Do they get a discount on auditing sessions or something?)

Lou Rawls

Van Morrison (yep. Really).

Hey Church of Scientology…you can keep all the rest of them, but please, not Beck.  And one last word on the subject…