When you’ve been married as long as I have been, you come to accept that – as much as you love and adore your man – you’re never gonna feel that endorfin rush for each other again. Not like it used to be. And that’s fine…you may lose that delicious, euphoric high, but you gain a deeper sense of love and commitment not for the faint of heart. That’s the stuff beyond the line, “and they lived happily ever after…” It’s the long, slow burn and there’s as much romance and poetry in that reality too.
That said, you can’t help but really miss the initial glances, the first kiss, the too-hot-for-primetime sex…
So, if you’re in your thirties, with a double-digit-marriage under your belt, you’ve got a couple of options:
1) Flirt with bagboys and friends’ husbands, and get a rep in town as a ho-bag cougar, OR
2) Harness a few harmless crushes on men you’re never going to meet, and picture them (occassionally) in the midst of sex to help ‘get your there’ (ladies, you know exactly what I mean).
Frankly, not only am I not into little boys, but I have absolutely no interest/attraction whatsoever in my friends’ husbands…not only because I’m not a shitty friend, but also because their guys are about as far away from interesting that I can possibly imagine. In fact, I’d sleep with my girlfriends before I could picture myself with their men…and honey, since I’m not gay, that should show you just how unappealing they are to me.
Anyhoo…
I’m not the kind of woman who falls for the Brad Pitts or George Clooneys or Gerald Butlers of the world. Too pretty. Too cocky. Too tame for me. In order to grab my attention, you’ve got to be a badass – with a Mensa-sized brain. You’ve got to basically be a good guy, but with an edge to your voice and a look in your eyes that says you’re gonna punish me for being a bad, bad girl.
That’s ok…I want you to 😉 So, without further adieu…
If Chris Meloni – plays Elliott on “Law & Order, SVU – knocked on my door and asked me to run away with him, I honestly don’t think I could say no. He’s that hot to me. While yes, he’s a good-looking guy with a delicious physique, it’s that sexy/dangerous look in his eye that makes me completely weak-willed. I want him to tell me what to do. Over and over again. And if we’re walking together and some guy even thinks of looking at me the wrong way, I’d swoon while Elliot, er, I mean Chris reaches over and grabs the guy by the throat. I know, I know…I had some issues. But I can’t help it.
Who the hell is this, you ask? He’s Antonio Bellatore, the new winner of HGTV’s Design Star show. Yeah, I know…classic bad boy asshole. Funny thing is, I passed up guys like this constantly while I was single. Was never interested. And this one..yikes!…tattoos on the neck, slight beer gut, crooked teeth. There’s something about him though. Totally do-able. And after you were done with him, he’d re-decorate your house for you and help clean out the garage. Pretty close to perfect, right?
Okay, that’s it for me. Who’s YOUR crush???
Mix Tape Therapy 
I know that he’s sort of every woman’s typical fantasy, but Ryan Reynolds has always been my dream guy. Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place anyone!!??
Christian Bale. Always and forever, Christian Bale.
Hmm, crushes on someone I’ve never met ….
Can we include the internet?
Whatever gets you through, honey…
Rent the complete “Oz” an HBO series. Meloni’s character will get you to swear off him entirely. But, the full frontal nudity may draw you back in. Really, if you can take it, Oz is good but hard and he is one of the most despicable characters in the show. It was weird to me to see him able go mainstream, he was that creepy. Good actor/odd crush.