Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,
I feel as if I’m dying a slow death out here in the suburbs. The answer for me, however, is not moving to a big city. I’ve been married for 15 years to an amazing man that I love very much. The problem is, I realized a few years into our marriage that I also am attracted to women. I told him so, and he’s fine with it, although I never acted on it.
Then I met Laura through a business networking event. She’s smart and funny, cute and also a lesbian. We’ve become good friends, and she has let me know point blank that she wants me for her own. I’m torn because I love my husband. I’m attracted to my husband and we have a healthy sex life. But I have this other side of me which needs to be fed. What do I do?
Love Him or Her?
Dear Love Him or Her,
Well, pardon the expression, but you’re in a bit of a pickle now aren’t ya? It sounds to me like you’re true blue, full-blooded bisexual woman. Congratulations – you’ve doubled your chances for a date on a Saturday night (old Woody Allen joke).
So what to do? Well, the good news is that your husband already knows – although understanding your wife’s a bisexual intellectually is a hell of a lot different than having her say, “Ok now, I’m off to find a girlfriend!” First things first, sit down and talk with him. Tell him about your feelings of a ‘slow death in the burbs’. You both need to figure out what’s going to work for both of you. Is an open marriage the way for you two to go? Can he really handle the idea of you with a woman on a consistent basis? And can you handle him being with other people?
If an open marriage won’t work for him, and you can’t stay in the confines of monogomy, then you two may need to separate temporarily. I’d hate to see that happen, but this is obviously a huge part of yourself you feel you need to express. It’s not going to “go away.” Just talk to each other about it because keeping it inside will indeed eat at your soul.
Oh – one more thingy – don’t expect Laura to want to play the third wheel on your open marriage bandwagon. She’s playing in full uniform for the other team, meaning, just because she wants to plow your field doesn’t mean she’ll compromise what she wants to get you. Or maybe she will. But before you ‘go there’ you need to lay it all out for your husband. He’s the one you made vows to years ago. You also need to think about if it’s Laura you really want, or has she just been a catalyst for your coming out party. I’m sure sharing all this with your man sounds about as appealing as root canal without the good drugs, but it’s gotta be done. Otherwise, you’ll end up acting out this stuff and really hurting him. And you.
BTW, this is the most literal, obvious mix I’ve ever made. Couldn’t help it – sorry!
10. “I Kissed a Girl,” (Katy Perry) I Kissed a Girl (Single).
09. “Damn I Wish I was Your Lover,” (Sophie B. Hawkins) The Best of Sophie B. Hawkins.
08. “Glory Box,” (Portishead) Dummy.
07. “Fidelity,” (Regina Spektor) Begin to Hope.
06. “I Always Knew,” (Jem) Down to Earth.
05. “Your Little Secret,” (Melissa Etheridge) Your Little Secret.
04. “I Want Your (Hands on Me),” (Sinead O’Connor) So Far.
03. “I Melt with You,” (Nouvelle Vague) Nouvelle Vague.
02. “A&E,” (Goldfrapp) Seventh Tree.
01. “Got to Be Real,” (Cheryl Lynn) Cheryl Lynn.