Tag Archives: religion

Love in the Dumps? Not with This Crew It Ain’t!

I love sharing the love.  And my latest blog affair’s with Love in the Dumps.  I found out about them, on all places, Twitter, when (if memory serves) they started following me around like a lovesick puppy (KIDDING).  Anyway, I liked the blog title and went over for a visit…and proceeded to shake with the giggles.  Subject matter spans from how to tell if the guy’s a prick to the top 12 things NOT to say in bed.

One of my favorites is the one below (reprinted with permission, of course, of course)….takes balls the size of Yonkers for a young woman to go to Qatar by herself.  I’m small-time compared to this rad gal 🙂

Letter from Qatar

Lately I’ve been busy learning the ways of Allah, and apparently, His people want my infidel ass.

OK back up a bit. Five months ago, I decided to pack my bags and move to Qatar. Yes, the tiny peninsula just off Saudi Arabic – one of the richest countries in the world, where Lamborghinis are as abundant as second and third wives.

Some Arabic I’ve picked up so far: Kees ummak (Your mother’s pussy!), Kees ummak bi ayri (My cock up your mother’s pussy!), Kees ummak bi Ras’ayri (The tip of my cock up your mother’s pussy), and finally Kees ummak bi Ras’ayri sharmoota (The tip of my cock up your mother’s pussy, bitch!). Yes I ‘m a fast learner, Masha’Allah (God meant it so!).

Now that we’ve established the fact that I’m totally opened to mingling with Arabs, I’d like to talk a bit about the cultural differences within the dating scene.

Urrr, what dating scene? First of all, there is none. Because dating is haram (taboo)! If a woman wants to hook up with someone, she has to get married, and contract whatever STD her husband had accumulated from trips to Thailand and Bahrain.

Inevitably, I’ve had several marriage proposals.

Most of the time they just want to get into your pants, so it’s nothing serious. One time in Oman, though, a man gave me a complete list of perks attached to being married to him. Among them:

“I would buy you a Landcruiser,” he said. “Because I want people to respect my wife on the road.”

Ahhh yes. Love is like a Toyota, it can’t be stopped.

“And I only want two kids,” he added. “And only one wife.”

I know… I should’ve jumped on the opportunity. But of course that would’ve been weird without consulting with my father first, so I told him, “Insha’Allah” (If it is God’s will) – the perfect phrase that Arabs use to wiggle out of every difficult situation.

Can’t meet a deadline? Insha’Allah. Forgot to pay someone back? Insha’Allah. Can’t get it up? Insha’Allah.

So, back to the marriage thing. Just the other day, I was hanging out at the beach in northern Qatar, when a Qatari man started talking to me. “Are you married?” he said within the first minute. They sure don’t bullshit around.

“No,” I said.

“I can find you a good husband,” he said.

“Uh ok,” I said. “I gotta go.”

“I love you!” He said after me.

Dude proceeded to follow me all the way till I found my friends (two guys), then finally he backed off.

But this kind of thing happens all the time. Which is why so many Western girls wear fake wedding bands. It happens in the mall, outside restaurants, in supermarkets, etc. And when they have to be more discreet approaching a woman, they hand you a piece of tissue paper with their numbers written inside. (Because that’s just so inconspicuous – a Qatari man handing tissue to a non-Qatari woman – you know, so she can blow her nose with it?)

Anyway, life in Qatar is very interesting, to say the least. Before I sign off, though, I’d like to take a moment and be very Canadian about this. Not all Arab men are the same, of course. Next time I’ll surely devout an entire piece on sexy Arabs… Insha’Allah.

Advertisements

Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Rant: Are Rock Stars Too Smart for Scientology?

 

Scientology didn’t give Katie Holmes quite the career boost she was counting on, now did it?

So earlier in the week, film director Paul Haggis – a long, devoted Scientologist – disavowed himself from his pyramid scheme of a religion, mostly due to the organization’s lack of action against anti-gay legislative initiatives.  And my first reaction was “that’s what finally got him to jump ship and not all of the other bat-shit crazy stuff the cult  proclaims?” To each his own, I say. 

You know, I expect actors and directors to fall for the over-the-top declarations of a meglomaniacal science writer who’s been quoted as saying the best way to make some money is to start a religion…they live in Los Angeles for Christ’s sake…where even alien-inspired immortality is possible (L. Ron Hubbard’s words, not mine).  I’m not entirely convinced that some of them haven’t sold their souls to the Horned One/Tom Cruise in order to further their careers.  Beats having to blow Harvey Weinstein, that’s for sure.

So color me incredulous, but I expect more out of my rock stars/musicians than to fall for the likes of Scientology.  I guess I think of those in the music business as being a bit more jaded and savvy, and therefore not as likely to fall for L. Ron Hubbard’s dianetic debacle of a faith.  But I was wrong.  So wrong.  Take a look at the following in the music business who claim to be – gulp – Scientologists:

Ok, some of them you already know like…

Lisa Marie Presley (they can have her. No big loss)

Isaac Hayes (who’s dead and gone – guess he didn’t get high enough in

the organization to achieve Immortal Status, hmm?)

But did you know that Chaka Khan is one?

And Brandy?

Along with Dave Davies from The Kinks? THE KINKS???

Scientology can also lay claim to Rob Thomas, Doug E. Fresh

And last – and the one that breaks my heart the most….

Beck.

Sigh. You’re just too cool for Scientology. And supposedly, too intelligent and hip and funny to fall for a raging lunatic’s delusion of grandeur scheme. 

There were others before you, Beck, who had fallen for the Dianetic Diatribe, but came out the other side.  Here’s a list of former musician Scientologist who just….who just….stopped taking drugs long enough to realize what they’d gotten themselves into….they are:

Liz Phair

Leonard Cohen

Gloria Gaynor

Courtney Love (and psst, if you know that Scientology was too crazy for Courtney Love, then MAN, it must be WHACK)

Al Jarreau (what’s with all the black people in Scientology? Do they get a discount on auditing sessions or something?)

Lou Rawls

Van Morrison (yep. Really).

Hey Church of Scientology…you can keep all the rest of them, but please, not Beck.  And one last word on the subject…

Morning Tickle: Hot Mormon Moms

Sometimes it’s so good, you’d think I made it up, but it’s delicious, nasty truth:  a 30-something Mormon gal from Idaho has compiled a calendar, entitled “Hot Mormon Muffins” as a way to eschew the ultra-conservative image of Mormon women.  They’re modeling themselves after the popular “Men on a Mission” calendar which feature some hot, Aryan man meat without the starched-up whites (but the question is, are they wearing the ‘magic underwear’?).

On the Hot Mormon Muffin Mom website, they claim, “Behind the eye-candy, this brand has a deeper story…The fact that twelve Mormons mothers appearing in a pin-up calendar has certainly raised eyebrows, it has also helped sort out some common misconceptions about Mormons. The shock value of what these traditionally conservative mothers has done is a powerful progressive step in building a dialogue that encourages people across every belief system and walk of life to defy stereotypes, step out of judgment and embrace tolerance.”

And if you buy the accompanying cooking/soft porn video, “Come Butter  Our Muffins,” you’ll help bring about peace in the Middle East too.

Anyhoo, thought you’d get a kick out of out.  Want one? Click here and let ’em know the subversive Christ-killing, Godless bitch sent ya.

Reunited and It Feels So…Good?

 

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

I am a 22-year-old woman, from Saudi Arabia, but currently living in New York.  I convinced my parents to let me study in the United States, and I am earning my MBA from a prestigious university.  One of the reasons why they agreed to let me go was because the man I was engaged to marry broke off our engagement.  In my culture, families arrange marriages (the bride and groom may or may not have a say. I did.)  and everything was good until my older brother (living in Paris) surprised and defied my family and married a non-Muslim French woman.   At first, my family and I were enraged and stopped talking to him.  As the “news” got around, my fiancé’s family also found out and pressured him to break the engagement, saying that my family was now no good because of the shame brought on us by my brother.  At first, he resisted because he said he had fallen in love with me, and that I should not be punished because of my brother’s foolishness.  But his mother was relentless, and he finally gave in and he broke up with me.  I was devastated because I really loved him.  What was even worse than my broken heart was the gossip swirling around my community. 

I couldn’t take it after a while and wanted to get as far away from them as possible.  I was allowed to study in New York because my mother’s uncle lives there.  So I moved into their home and discovered all the freedoms that America has to offer.  My uncle and his family are also very open-minded and American (I don’t think my mother knows this, otherwise she wouldn’t have let me come).  I feel a freedom that I never knew was possible.  After several months of living in New York, I got enough courage to call my brother, and we have reconciled (my parents have not and do not know that I talk to him).  Over the summer, I returned home for a visit and happen to see my ex at mutual friend’s wedding.  We did not talk, but I can see from his eyes that he still loved me.  The next day, he called me, and begged me to meet him.  I refused, feeling angry over his cowardice still.  A week later, I was back in New York, enjoying my routine with my extended family and the friends I have made here.  Then I get a call from my mother, saying that my ex fiance’s family has reluctantly changed their position and would be open to a marriage if my family agrees to never talk or see my brother again.  While it is true that my parents were already not speaking to my brother, my father resented them dictating terms to his family.  My mother is thrilled and is urging me to accept, feeling it will help restore the family honor.  However, the choice is mine.

I must admit, I still have some love for him in my heart, but the hurt over his abandonment is there too.  He calls and texts me constantly, saying I should not deny him our future because of  ‘a moment of weakness’ and that he will make me happy.  Meanwhile, I will graduate from my program at the end of this semester, and one of my cousins has already offered me a job at his firm (he’s a venture capitalist).  I think he offered it to me as a way to keep encouraging me to become my own woman. 

What do I do? Do I try to forgive this man and marry him? Or do I take the job here?  The opinion is divided between my family and friends both back home and here in the United States.  I know you’re an American unfamiliar with Muslim culture, but my cousins and I love your blog and I think you will try and be fair. Besides, I have learned so much about American music from you!  Thank you for answering my question.

Signed,

An American Girl?

Dear American Girl,

I’ve got to imagine before I even get started here that’s you’ve got enough sharp tools in your think tank to know that coming to a socially-liberal, foul-mouth, Jewish-American Piece of Work is going to give you a certain kind of an answer, right? To say that I’m unfamiliar with the Muslim world is the fucking understatement of the year.  But this I know for sure…

Determine what kind of woman you want to be.  Are you the kind of woman who values family unity over personal freedom?  Or does having  a taste of American individualism (the real American religion) buzz your pleasure principle?  Doesn’t mean you can’t try to balance both, but we all dominantly hang left or right, so it’s good for you to know – at your core – who you are.

Btw, if I’m to understand a lil’ o’bit of Saudi culture (hey, I read Girls of Riyadh.  I’m not completely clueless), then didn’t you only meet your ex – like once or twice – before agreeing to be married?  I don’t mean to come off big and culture imperialist-y on you sweetums, but how the fuck do you know you love him after so little time?  Because while I do believe that people usually deserve a second chance, I base that philosophy on the knowledge that I’m, like, über particular on my inner circle membership. 

So, does he deserve that chance?  I honestly don’t know how you can know if he’s either (1) a boy who became a man through the thought of losing you, (2) he’s just an overgrown mama’s boy doing a little rebelling, but is still – at heart – mama’s man forever.

Personally, if I were you, I’d ditch the ex for good, stay in New York, and find an open-minded Saudi like your uncle (but obviously, um, younger) for yourself.  That way, you can honor your heritage while still being your own woman. Deep down, you know the answer.  Now just muster up the courage to live it.  Whatever you choose, I promise you, you won’t please everyone – but hopefully – you find contentment for yourself.

10.  “Bartering Lines,”  (Ryan Adams)  Heartbreaker.

09.  “You Never Know,” (Wilco) Wilco.

08.  “Upon My Shoulders,” (Brad) Interiors.

07.  “Unplayed Piano,”  (Damien Rice) The Single.

06. “Somebody that I Used to Know,”  (Elliott Smith)  Figure 8.

05.  “Slipping Through the Sensors,”  (Fruit Bats)  Mouthfuls.

04.  “No Man’s Woman,”  (Sinead O’Connor)  Faith and Courage.

03.  “Make Me Believe,”  (Angel Taylor)  Love Travels.

02.  “Beautiful Freak,”  (Eels)  Beautiful Freak.

01.  “California One/Youth and Beauty Brigade,”  (The Decemberist) Castaways and Cutouts.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know, For My Supervisor Tells Me So

Because I can’t think of any other reason why your latest business report SUCKED.

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

Well, I’ve DEFINITELY got a problem you’ve never had on your blog.  I just moved to the DC area, and am working for  an economic policy think tank with some conservative leanings. Around the same time I came aboard, my supervisor also started.  She’s a smart cookie, and we get along well enough, but she has this habit of  throwing her Christian faith around, and it makes me uncomfortable.  An example would be if I express some frustration over part of a project, she’ll say “Well, I’ll pray for you to work it out, Cynthia”  or if she catches someone gossiping she’s say, “I don’t think that’s something Jesus would say.” She says it in this half kidding/half serious way, but I know she’s dead serious.  It doesn’t seem to bother anyone else, but it rubs me the wrong way. I may have a Lutheran background, but my conservative political leanings (hence the job) are from an economic – not a religious – standpoint. I love the work I do, but it kind of feels like Christian camp sometimes.  So how do I express myself without ostracizing myself from the office culture – and more importantly, from the woman who decides my pay raises?

Dear Cynthia,

Wow, this is a sweet meatball you’ve thrown down center plate, Ms. Cyn (get the joke, “Cyn”…alright that was a bad one)…

Listen, I know I’m supposed to tell you to sit her down in a friendly manner and gently tell her the Jesus talk makes you a bit uncomfy. But I’ve gotta shoot straight her, for some reason my Super Spidey Advice Powers are sensing that’s not gonna fly very well here.  Maybe if you were of a different faith, and if you’re office culture had a separation between church and state, so to speak, I would think you could do it.  BUt my gut tells me this is how they Holy roll in your parts…so if you love the job, just try to get used to it.  If speaking-in-tongues is the worst schtick your boss is selling, not so bad really. 

Really. You could have much worse for a supervisor.

Really.

Probably not the answer you’re expecting, and I anticipate getting some annoyed bru-ha-ha over this one. But you seem to really love the work you’re doing, and you get along with your boss…sometimes you need to pick your battles.

One caveat: if someone joins the team that is Jewish or Muslim or Pagan (now THAT would be a fun question to get!) then that would be a great opportunity to say something like, “Hmm maybe we should all cut back on bringing our faith into office discussions…we wouldn’t want to make [insert name] uncomfortable.”  Kinda of the weeny way around it, but I think most traditional offices are the ultimate weeny roast, so sue me.

Let me know what you decide to do…and thanks for the thought provoking question!

 [mixwit_mixtape wid=”a352396a927954a51899a1f3cddfe3ef” pid=”be738e121925bf0a9d735c55077d3688″ un=”cas2670″ width=”426″ height=”327″ center=”true”]<img style=”visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;” border=0 width=0 height=0 src=”http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyMjE3NTYxMzEzNjcmcHQ9MTIyMTc1NjE2MzEyNyZwPTE4NDMzMSZkPSZuPXdvcmRwcmVzcyZnPTEmdD*mbz*2YTVjODAxZTEwNWI*ZTM3ODVlYzllZmRiNDlmMGQxOQ==.gif” />

1. Silver Jews – Candy Jail Itunes    Amazon
2. Devo – Watch Us Work It Itunes    Amazon
3. Ramones – It’s Not My Place (In the 9 to 5 World) Itunes    Amazon
4. Talking Heads – Burning Down the House Itunes    Amazon
5. The Clash – Should I Stay Or Should I Go – The Clash – Should I Stay Or Should I Go Itunes    Amazon
6. The Flaming Lips – Pilot Can at the Queer of God Itunes    Amazon
7. Kinsey Sicks – I Wanna Be a Republican Itunes    Amazon
8. Charlotte Church – Crazy Chick

It’s a Different World From Where You Come From

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

I’m a 25-year-old graduate student in the DC area (just like you!).  I recently met a guy through my program. He’s gorgeous, smart, and very sweet.  We went out on one date so far, and we really clicked! Then, one of my friends in the program says he is Baha’i, some new religion which is kinda like a cult.  I looked it up on the Internet and it looks pretty innocuous to me: one God, no religious faction divisions within the groups, lots of different ethnic varieties within it.  But my friend told me it’s a religion of Iranian descent and has ties to Middle East extreme factions. I’d like to ask Arash (that’s the great guy in question) about all this, but he’s of Persian descent and I don’t want to offend him.  I’m torn between thinking my friend’s concerns are bullshit to wondering if there’s a grain of truth to what she says.  Can you help me out here?

Signed, Wendy from Washington

Symbol of the Baha’i Faith.

Dear Wendy,

Well, I can’t claim to be a Baha’i expert, but from all the research I did, there’s not a shred of evidence to support your “friend’s” suspicions. In fact, the religion, while “new” (it was founded about a century ago) has accomplished what many others have not: preaching love and peace, true diversity and global unity – without lots of internal division and infighting – probably because they claim that since there’s only one God, then all religions speak truth. Something our Judeo-Christian faiths cannot come close to claiming.  What it sounds like to me is that your friend has a case of Bush fever – linking anything from the Arab world as inherently suspect and potentially evil (unless it’s a Saudi selling some oil, but I digress). Which is as racist and as narrow-minded as it comes.

I think it’s perfectly alright to ask Arash about his faith.  It’s all in the way you ask. Here’s some examples:

Good Example

Wendy: I hear you are part of the Baha’i community, and I don’t know a lot about it. Could you tell me about it?

Arash: I sure would – you sexy, open-minded vixen you.

 

Bad Example

Wendy: So I hear your Baha’i faith has ties to Arab extremist groups, maybe even Al-Qaeda itself! What are you thinking being part of a terrorist organization!

Arash:  Okay you racist American you…this date – and any chance for a friendship – is officially over. Bye bitch.

One more thing…I don’t know where you are at in terms of what you want (just looking to date around or actually looking for Mr. Right)…but if the answer is the latter, I think you need to ask yourself if you will consider someone from a different faith as a potential life partner.  If your own religion is very important to you and you are not open to an interfaith marriage, then don’t waste each other’s time.  That said, the Universe works in some funky strange ways, and I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard someone say “Wow, so-and-so is TOTALLY not my type or who I thought I’d end up with, but here I am, and I am deliriously happy!”

Good luck 🙂

1. Green Day – American Idiot  
2. The Cure – Killing an Arab  
3. INXS – Original Sin  
4. The Twilight Singers – Black Is The Color Of My True Love’s Hair  
5. Night Ranger – Sister Christian  
6. Kaiser Chiefs – Oh My God  
7. The Vaselines – Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam  
     
     
     

 

Papal Smear

emperor.jpg Pope image by jrhafelein

If you have any doubt about the veracity of the above statement, then read on below.

Having this Pope “lament” about the atrocities of a mass marketed pedophilia cover-up in the Catholic Church seems about as sincere as finding an 80-year-old Nazi poolside in Argentina regretting the “unfortunate” removal of all them Jews back in the good ‘ol days in Europe.

I’m just not buying it.

Oh and Benny? Get out of my city…you’re holding up traffic.

The following from the AP Newswire…

Pope meets with victims of clergy sex abuse

popepred.jpg pope image by Blessed_union

He prays with survivors in first-ever meeting of pontiff and the abused 

WASHINGTON – Pope Benedict XVI prayed with tearful victims of clergy sex abuse in a chapel Thursday, an extraordinary gesture from a pontiff who has made atoning for the great shame of the U.S. church the cornerstone of his first papal trip to America.

Benedict’s third day in the U.S. began with a packed open-air Mass celebrated in 10 languages at a baseball stadium, and it included a speech to Roman Catholic college and university presidents.

But the real drama happened privately, in the chapel of the papal embassy between events.

The Rev. Federico Lombardi, a papal spokesman, said that Benedict and Boston Cardinal Sean O’Malley met with a group of five or six clergy sex abuse victims for about 25 minutes, offering them encouragement and hope.

“They prayed together. Also, each of them had their own individual time with the Holy Father,” Lombardi said. “Some were in tears.”

Reaching out to victims
Well over 4,000 priests have been accused of molesting minors in the U.S. since 1950. The church has paid out more than $2 billion, much of it in just the last six years, after the case of a serial molester in Boston gained national attention and inspired many victims to step forward. Six dioceses have been forced into bankruptcy because of abuse costs.

Expected to address the problem only once during his six-day trip — at a Mass with priests in New York City on Saturday — Benedict has instead returned to the issue repeatedly, beginning in a news conference on the flight from Rome to the U.S.

He has called the crisis a cause of “deep shame,” pledged to keep pedophiles out of the priesthood and decried the “enormous pain” that communities have suffered from such “gravely immoral behavior” by priests.

On Wednesday, he told bishops the problem has sometimes been very “badly handled” and said it was their God-given duty to heal the wounds caused by abuse. He asked each parishioner at Mass on Thursday “to do what you can to foster healing and reconciliation, and to assist those who have been hurt.”

Thursday afternoon’s session went a step further. Lombardi said it was believed to be the first-ever such session between a pope and abuse victims.

Gary Bergeron, an outspoken abuse survivor from Boston who was not in the meeting, failed in his attempt to meet with Pope John Paul II, Benedict’s predecessor, when he spent a week at the Vatican a few years ago.

 

 
 

 

He called Thursday’s meeting “a long-sought-for step in the right direction.”

“The Catholic Church is partly based on symbolism, and I think the symbolism had he not met with survivors would have been horrendous,” the 45-year-old Bergeron said.

Some victims had called on Benedict to travel to Boston since it has been the epicenter of the problem. Instead, O’Malley presented the pope with a notebook listing the names victims of sexual abuse from the Boston Archdiocese. There were more than 1,000 names, Lombardi said.

The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests called the meeting “a positive first step on a very long road.” The group, which has been fiercely critical of the church, said it hopes the meeting will lead to reform in how church leaders respond to abuse claims.

The session came just hours after the pope celebrated the first public Mass of his U.S. pilgrimage.

More than 45,000 people filled Nationals Park on a clear spring day as the pope led the service from an altar erected in centerfield.