Tag Archives: gender bias

Mama’s Boy

d34e310e329e4ad.gif baby image by Browneyez86

 Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

I know my problem will probably get me lots of hateful comments.  I am pregnant with my first child. My husband and I just found out the sex of our baby – it’s a boy. My husband is elated, but secretly I am so upset. I really, really wanted a little girl. I actually thought I was having a girl (everyone kept telling me I was carrying as if I was having a girl).  The reason why I don’t want a boy is because of what I see. Some of my friends have little boys and they’re a nightmare. Yelling, screaming, running around all the time – practically terrorizing their parents. I don’t want that for my family and I really don’t think I could handle that myself.

Please, please, please help me look at this differently. I really need help!

Signed, Baby Boy Blues”

Dear BBB,

What a great question! Perhaps you will get some razzing, but not from me. I think it’s great you’re being honest about your feelings and looking for a different perspective. I have seen so many parents with unacknowledged gender bias and trust me, the kid senses it (although may not consciously understand why).  All he or she knows is that something about them isn’t good enough. And they never get over it.

While I agree that  little girls and boys have differing “energies,” it doesn’t mean you are sentenced for life with a Tazmanian devil. In fact, I wish more parents would understand that just because boys have a more physical way of expressing themselves doesn’t mean that all bad behavior should be dismissed with “boys will be boys.” That’s a bunch of outdated patriarchal crap.

I have a couple of friends with little boys I adore. They have energy and like to run and play, but they aren’t terrorizing their families. So I ask their moms point blank what is their secret. They tell me that they make sure their little boys get to  release their energy, but they also establish firm boundaries over issues such as yelling in the house or making big messes or physically going after anyone. They establish rules and consequences – and they follow through every time. Plus, both parents are always united – with disagreements over child rearing done behind a closed door. It works.

Let me add just one more thing: you have an amazing opportunity here.  You not only have the chance to raise an incredible human being – but you are raising someone’s future boyfriend and husband. Teach your little man about how to really treat a girl –  someone that sincerely loves and respects women. There are too few of those out there – and too many mothers look at their sons’ potential partners as a threat or competition. Don’t do that.

May I also suggest a little reading: “Raising Boys: Why Boys are Different and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men,” by: Steve Biddulph and “Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, by: Dan Kindlon, Michael Thompson, and Teresa Barker.”

And remember…many people cannot have children or have to deal with horrible health issues with their children. As long as your son is healthy and happy, you’ve won lotto in my opinion.

1. “Accidental Babies,” Damien Rice. [9]

2. “Beautiful Son,” Without Gravity. [Tenderfoot]

3. “Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy),” John Lennon & Yoko Ono. [Double Fantasy]

4. “My Boy,” Elvis Presley. [History]

5. “Carry On Wayward Son,” Kansas. [Two for the Show]

6. “Fortunate Son,” Creedence Clearwater Revival. [Willy and the Poor Boys]

7. “Godchild,” Miles Davis. [Birth of the Cool]

8. “Just a Boy,” Mojave 3. [Puzzles Like You]

9. “Amazing Grace,” LeAnn Rimes. [You Light Up My Life]