Category Archives: I've Been to Paradise but I've Never Been to Me

Just Say No to Drugs?

So I just heard that Jen McCarthy and Jim Carrey have broken up after five years.  And while I am certainly bummed that these two couldn’t work it out, it’s the reason why they broke up which I find more upsetting than anything else. 

Supposedly, Carrey is having another serious bout of depression, disappearing for days at a time, or holing himself up at his home, and not taking any calls.  Additionally, he is refusing to take any meds, despite of having a lifelong history of depression.  He has taken Prozac for short durations, but refused to be on any anti-depressant long-term,  as stated in a Larry King interview in 2008:

KING: Didn’t you suffer from depression?
CARREY: Yes, yes. I’m on a manic high right now. Can’t you tell?
KING: How did you get through that to this?
CARREY: Well, that’s another thing. You know at the risk of like opening up the whole Tom Cruise Prozac argument, you know, I don’t disagree in many ways. I think Prozac and things like that are very valuable to people for short periods of time. But I believe if you’re on them for an extended period of time, you never get to the problem. You never get to see what the problem is, because everything is just kind of OK. And so, you don’t deal. And people deal when they get desperate.
KING: So how did you do it?
CARREY: I take supplements.
KING: Vitamins?
CARREY: Yes — well, it’s not — well, it is vitamins. But it’s also certain elements of the brain like Tyrosine and hydroxytryptophan that they’re treating depression with now. It is a natural substance that’s in your brain. Instead of being a Serotonin inhibitor, which just uses the serotonin you have and Prozac and things like that — it just uses the Serotonin you have and it doesn’t allow it go back into the receptor. It metabolizes your serotonin after a while and you have to keep taking more and more to feel good. This actually creates dopamine and creates serotonin. It’s a wonderful thing. It’s amazing. I’m going to talk a lot about it in the near future.
KING: You’re going to write about it?
CARREY: Yes.

I don’t know, is it me or am I the only one who’s really getting tired of actors pretending to have medical degrees?  There’s nothing wrong with becoming an educated patient, and I believe each of us must be our own best advocate, and not solely reliant on a hierarchically organized, paternalistic medical model.  That said….um DUDE…you suffer from depression, a scientifically studied, neurologically oriented mental health disorder.  And a couple of chewable Flintstones ain’t gonna cut it. 

I also know some are going to blame his former girl Jen for his anti-drug stance, because most people believe she’s anti-vaccine when in actuality, she does believe in vaccines – just on a more delayed schedule and without unnecessary additives.  That said, she’s another one who comes off as a medical expert on the talk show circuit, and the last time I checked, you don’t get an MD from having hosted MTV. I’m just saying…

Usually, I take things that celebrities say about as seriously as I take the babblings of a toddler, but in this case, I take issue with what’s going on here.  I don’t think he doesn’t take his meds because he wants to deal with the root cause of his problems, I think Jim Carrey doesn’t take his meds because he’s uncomfortable with the stigma attached to mental illness.  Because by taking his meds – and taking them for the long-term – that means he has to put himself into the category of people who are chronically mentally ill…and I guess while it’s ok to wear your girlfriend’s thong bathing suit in front of the paparazzi, it’s not ok to have to take ‘crazy pills’ for the rest of your life.

I guess I’m taking this personally because I used to be Jim Carrey.  I too have suffered from depression on and off throughout my life, and for thirty-plus years refused to take any meds (something I wrote about here).  I get how difficult it is to accept that depression is the shadow which will haunt the corners of your house for the rest of your life.  I understand how terrifying it is to think that others think you ‘crazy’ or ‘unstable’.  I also understand that when you’re in the midst of your disorder, your normative, cognitive rationale will fail you, and while you think you’re handling your disorder just fine – without therapy, without medication – everyone around you bites their lip while watching you flaying in the ocean of your own despair.

After thirty-odd years of being so staunchly against antidepressants, you know what finally turned me around to at least giving them a try?  It was a fifteen-year-old girl. 

I was at my cousin’s bar mitzvah, and his older sister – who is beautiful and charming, smart and funny – stood in front a synagogue audience of about 500 people and talked about not only how much she loved her little brother, but how she envied him his social ease and his laissez fare attitude.  She talked about her need to take anti-depressant and anti anxiety meds, and how she wished it all came as easily for her as it did for him.  Fifteen years old. 

And I sat there in awe of her as she joked about her struggles in front of family and strangers alike.  And if it was even possible, I loved her more…which made me realize how ridiculous I had been all these years, fearing that others would judge me.  Because I certainly didn’t judge her.  In the end, by releasing my own need for control, I regain a part of myself that would have otherwise alluded me…the part that feels joy and gratitude, even in the middle of the chaos…the part that is able to distinguish real problems from distractions….the part of me others feel at ease around.

I wish that for Jim Carrey. I wish that for us all.

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Gay? Straight? Bi? Try Bored Already.

So the big news in the blogosphere today is that Academy Award winning actress, Anna Paquin, has announced she’s a bisexual.  This, of course, is right on the tails of Ricky Martin’s announcement that he’s actually (wait for it, wait for it) gay. 

Well, whoop-de-FRICKIN’-doo.

Look, let me say right off the bat that I’m all for gay rights. I think the LGBT community should be able to get married, adopt kids, the whole she-bang bang.  And I get that the more people “come out” of the closet, the more we bring complicated issues of sexuality and gender into the mainstream conversation, which hopefully leads to acceptance.  Duly noted.

I guess I’m just bored of the conversation.  Like with race and the presidency, I would like for us – as a nation – to frankly be better than this, that “issues” such as who one wants to shag & love, is in fact no big deal and is no one’s business. 

Moreover, the idea of labeling our sexuality just seems ridiculous as a whole.  For me, as long as it’s human and an adult, whatever you’re into, it’s go-time.  Which is why, I guess, many are turning to the Greeks (because, um yeah, that’s who ya go to when you want to know the origins of pretty much anything to do with sex) for the term pansexuality.

Pansexuality (also referred to as pans), or omnisexuality[1] is a sexual orientation, characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire towards people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[2] For others, an individual’s sex, gender expression,or gender identity can be a key factor of attraction, despite the pansexual individual’s wide range of sex and gender attractions.The word pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan-, meaning “all”. It is intended to negate the idea of two genders (as expressed by bi-). The adjective pansexual may also be applied to organizations or events. In this context, the term usually indicates an openness to the involvement of people of all genders and sexual orientations in said organization/event, as well as the pansexual sexual identity.

I know.  Sounds kinda weird like that, but is it really?  Truth be told, while the majority of time I’m into men, I will occasionally see a woman who I’d run over puppies to get to.  And frankly, certain androgynous choice selections like k.d. lang (well, maybe 10 years ago) I find totally compelling as well.  And the reason why I don’t worry about putting a label on it is because I see the inherent fluidity within sexuality. 

That said, I know I make such declarations from the comfy seated privilege “throne” of legally sanctioned ‘heterosexuality’.  Trust me, I’m more than willing to share. Really.

Anyway, so Anna Paquin likes hot dogs and hamburgers. Good for her. And psst…Ricky? We figured you out a loonngg time ago.  I didn’t care then.  I don’t care now.  Be happy.  Be safe. And let’s care about something beyond our neighbors’ bedrooms.

‘John’ny Rotten

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

So I’ve got a situation I know has never been on your blog…

I’m a 20-year-old college student living in New York.  About a year ago, my parents went into bankruptcy, losing the family business that’s been in our family for four generations.  I thought I was going to have to drop out of school and move back home (to Wisconsin), but instead, and to make a long story short, I got into the escort business.  Now, I’m able to pay for my living expenses plus school no problem.  My family thinks I’m a personal assistant to a wealthy, well-connected family (in reality, the guy is one of my clients). 

Anyway, I don’t want you to lecture me on selling myself.  I know what I’m doing and while this is certainly not a lifestyle choice, I’m fine with it for now. I only have three semesters of school left and then I graduate.  It’s a means to an end.

My problem is this:  one of my clients -let’s call him ‘Adam’ – has become overly attached.  He’s actually a nice guy, funny, smart, a little controlling, but up until recently, very cool.  He’s a trust fund baby (very well known family) who’s fairly close in age to me, which is maybe why I shared with him my real name, where I’m from, my life really.

Anyway, now he wants me to quit “work”, and school and just be his girlfriend.  I told him I couldn’t do that, I need to finish school. After a couple more trys, he started getting angry, and now he’s threatening to tell my family, my school what I do for a living.  I asked him why he would threatened such a thing if he cares about me.  He says I’m ‘making him’ do it. 

What do I do? Do I have any way out of this? I haven’t told anyone about this, except you.

Signed,   The College Coquette

Dear Coquette,

Wow, you’re in way over your head…you know, it’s stories such as this one which remind me of what Chris Rock said, “If you’re daughter’s on the pole, some how, some way, you’ve MAJORLY fucked up.” But I’ll get to that in a minute…

First, let’s get you away from this guy.  Go to your escort service, and tell them the situation.  I’m sure they’ve heard this one before and can persuade him to knock it off.  If not, gather evidence of your time together – the DNA kind, the credit card/checks/evidence of payment type is preferable – and tell him if he bothers you or your family, you’re going to the press and to HIS family.  Trust me, he doesn’t want the mess and has just as much – if not more – to lose than you. If it escalates further, go to the police – which I know is the last thing you want to do, but your safety comes first.

Then, do what most girls do and TAKE OUT A FUCKING STUDENT LOAN, GET A JOB AS A WAITRESS OR SOMETHING and get out of this business for good.  It’s only three semesters, you won’t be in debt forever.  Because guess what?  Selling yourself is a big deal. I know you don’t want to hear it, but too bad.  Your body, your self-respect is worth infinitely more than what they’re paying.  Besides you’re kidding yourself if you think it’s going to be so easy to walk away.  Being a prostitute really fucks with your head about what men are like…if it hasn’t happened already, you’re going to think they’re all low-down, dirty dogs or pathetic headcases.  It’s an extremely skewed view of the world when primarily seen through our worst vices.  Plus, the money’s so good that you’ll find yourself justifying almost anything to keep it coming in.  Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t be that girl. 

Also, consider this guy – not a nice guy, btw – a warning: there are plenty of girls in your business who are never heard from again, because someone with money and power had them “taken care of.”  Trust me, that would devastate your parents much more than bankruptcy ever did. 

Whatever you decide to do, please contact the Sex Worker Outreach Project of New York City.  SWOP-NYC  has open meetings (for current/former sex workers) and are held the third Thursday of every month in the Financial District of lower Manhattan from 7-9pm. Please be punctual, respect the space, and the privacy of attendees. No one is required to out themselves as a current or former sex worker or otherwise. For the exact location, please introduce yourself by email to: swank@riseup.net

I’m sure they can help you out even better than I can.  Good luck.

10.  “Sex Type Thing,” (Stone Temple Pilots) Core.

09.  “Freak on a Leash,”  (Korn) Freak on a Leash.

08.  “Salute Your Solution,”  (The Rancoteurs) Consolers of the Lonely.

07.  “Sour Cherry,”  (The Kills) Midnight Boom.

06.  “Move Along,” (The All-American Rejects)  Move Along.

05.  “An End Has a Start,”  (Editors) An End Has a Start.

04.  “Fix You,” (Coldplay) X & Y.

03.  “Here Comes a Regular,” (The Replacements) Don’t You Know Who I Think I Was?

02.  “Tears are In Your Eyes,”  (Yo La Tengo) And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out.

01.  “Another Morning,”  (The American Music Club) Love Songs for Patriots.

Girl Interrupted

 

Ms. Mix,

Mine is a family in perpetual crisis. I have left home to go to school but the crisis follows.

In my pyramid of importance and priority my family is at the top, school/career follows, then my relationship with my boyfriend, and then me. Recently I feel my grasp on all these things is weakening.

My sister (with whom I am practically telepathic) has been going through some problems. She’s 17 (I’m almost 21) and has always been extremely intelligent, happy, outgoing and loving- but has recently been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and other health problems. She has been suicidal a few times. This summer I travelled three hours every weekend to see her and when I could get the time off (I work and go to school in the summer as well as the regular school year) I would go for weeks at a time to be with her. My parents are also going through a bit of a crisis. Both of them have highly stressful jobs and often have to go through counselling for the stress they incur there.

I am fairly stable- I work, go to school, live with my boyfriend, have two cats, listen to blues and live three hours away in the closest city. I am “the rock” of my family. I am the outlet. I am always there. The rare occasions I break down and cry in front of my family I feel immensely guilty because I don’t want to give them anything more to worry about. Today I talked with my mother on the phone about the stresses of her work and the recent “down” period my sister has been having. I listened to her cry, gave her advice: (“It has to get worse before it can get better. Take some time to do the things you love to do together. Take a stay-cation.”) Then after I hung up and was getting ready to go to class I totally broke down. Crying, praying, coughing, sputtering- Hoping the neighbours wouldn’t hear, hoping my boyfriend wouldn’t come home from work and see me in that state. This has been more and more common in the past year and it just shuts me down for the whole day. I feel exhausted and tired and just want to turn off my mind and sleep. Everything I have is for them. I have very often asked if they want me to quit work and school and come home and they insist that I don’t. I consider doing it every time I go home.

This is all a very long winded background for the reason I’m writing. They are the most important thing to me and I don’t know how to keep myself functioning in order to be there for them. I don’t know how I can help them! I don’t know how I can be there for them and still work and go to school and have a relationship with my boyfriend and get the laundry done and finish my readings and have a life. I went to therapy briefly but I felt like a lot of her advice was to let go of their problems and take care of myself- but I can’t take care of myself knowing they are in crisis. I can’t ask for help knowing they need it more. I was afraid of sending this because I’m afraid of them seeing it, recognizing that it was me, and then getting stressed out that I am so upset.

I don’t know what this is more- a letter asking for help or an outlet for me to vent my exhaustion and frustration. I graduate in April so I wonder if I should move back to help them or run far far away… (yeah right, as if I could really run away). My mantra is “don’t panic”. Thanks Douglas Adams.

I could really go for a mix tape, Ms. Mix.
Sincerely, The Rock

P.S. You’ll notice that “friends” aren’t on the pyramid. Those have kind of fallen to the wayside as I can’t be the supportive friend I want to be. I go out for lunch and drinks, I go see movies with friends at work or school- I don’t have friends I can talk to this about.They don’t need my problems.

 

Dear Rocky,

I hear ya. I am the “rock” of my family as well – the burden of being the only fairly stable one in a three-ring circus of stress, I suppose.

Since your letter was long, I’ll keep this short: your therapist is right, mostly.    (S)he has a point that you should be focusing more on yourself, but here’s what she didn’t get a chance to tell you (since you stopped going to therapy).  There are three reasons why you should take care of yourself more:

1) Keep this up, and you won’t be a help to anyone.  Your body and mind will rebel against this relentless emotional pace and you will have a full-fledged breakdown.  That’s a promise.  Take it from someone who knows…I’ve been there. It’s a very dark hole to try to crawl out of…

2)  By constantly being there for your family, by dropping everything to be there for them, believe it or not, you are preventing them from learning their own coping skills.  That doesn’t mean you turn your back on them, but it means you give some space for them to figure out their own solutions. If they are not taking any of your self-care suggestions (hint hint), and just insisting on going at their issues the same way over and over, then you need to limit how much of your physical time and emotional energy you expend.  One or more of them may “crash and burn” – or they may learn that they’re stronger than they thought.  Right now, however, you being 100% available to them denies them the opportunity for fend for themselves.

3)  You need to form your own identity beyond the moniker of “problem solver.”  Again, I know A LOT about this.  Believe it or not, you get a tremendous charitable ego benefit from being the savior of the family.  It’s cool to be the one everyone turns to, unless it becomes all of who you are.  By being so absorbed in their crises, you deny yourself the ability to discover what else you’re about.  The fact that you are willing to quit school, your job, your life for theirs is a sign to me that perhaps you’re hesistant to fully live in your world.  The only caveat to that is if a family member was seriously ill, dying, and no other family member could help them.

All of the above doesn’t mean you should cut them out and become a narcissistic beast.  But here are some concrete solutions to find some balance:

1) Insist your sister get into counseling and your parents find a more effective counselor.  Whether or not they do this is out of your control, but at least you put it out there. And while you’re at it, go back into counseling…if not with your original therapist, then someone you click with – and don’t bolt the first time they tell you something outside your comfort zone.

2) Talk to them on the phone of course, but limit the time.  You don’t have to say, “you’ve only got 30 minutes” but keep an eye on the clock, and wind it up when it’s time to go.

3) Schedule time for yourself and your boyfriend.  Just because you live together doesn’t mean you should forget date nights and autumn walks together and all that corny shit I hate talking about, but secretly love. 

4) Reconnect with your friends and explain what you’ve been going through.  If they are really your friends, they’ll understand.  And while no friend wants to only hear burdens from another, a real friend thinks you are worth the occasional dumping ground session.  You should have enough self love and worth to know that. 

I have a feeling that you won’t take most of this advice because you feel as if your family’s world will collapse without you doing the same thing you’re doing.  What I hope you come away from this is that in the end they must be responsible for themselves, you can’t save everyone, and you’re worth the time and effort outside of this one identity you and your family have built for yourself.  Good luck.

 10. “Dead End,” (The Whitest Boy Alive)  Rules.

09.  “How You Survived the War,”  (The Weepies)  Hideaway.

08.  “Disaster Button,” (Snow Patrol)  A Hundred Million Suns.

07.  “Half a Person,”  (The Smiths)  The Sounds of the Smiths.

06.  “I Still Care for You,”  (Ray LaMontagne) Gossip in the Grain.

05.  “You Never Wash Up After Yourself,” (Radiohead) My Iron Lung.

04.  “I Guess You’re Right,”  (The Posies) Every Kind of Light.

03.  “Pink Light,” (Laura Veirs) Saltbreakers.

02.  “Wait It Out,” (Imogen Heap) Ellipse.

01.  “I Am Part of a Large Family,”  (Great Lake Swimmers)  The Live Sessions.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun…

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

I feel as if I’m dying a slow death out here in the suburbs.  The answer for me, however, is not moving to a big city.  I’ve been married for 15 years to an amazing man that I love very much.  The problem is, I realized a few years into our marriage that I also am attracted to women.  I told him so, and he’s fine with it, although I never acted on it. 

Then I met Laura through a business networking event.  She’s smart and funny, cute and also a lesbian.  We’ve become good friends, and she has let me know point blank that she wants me for her own.  I’m torn because I love my husband.  I’m attracted to my husband and we have a healthy sex life.  But I have this other side of me which needs to be fed.  What do I do?

Signed,

Love Him or Her?

Dear Love Him or Her,

Well, pardon the expression, but you’re in a bit of a pickle now aren’t ya? It sounds to me like you’re true blue, full-blooded bisexual woman.  Congratulations – you’ve doubled your chances for a date on a Saturday night (old Woody Allen joke). 

So what to do? Well, the good news is that your husband already knows – although understanding your wife’s a bisexual intellectually is a hell of a lot different than having her say, “Ok now, I’m off to find a girlfriend!” First things first, sit down and talk with him.  Tell him about your feelings of a ‘slow death in the burbs’.  You both need to figure out what’s going to work for both of you.  Is an open marriage the way for you two to go? Can he really handle the idea of you with a woman on a consistent basis? And can you handle him being with other people? 

If an open marriage won’t work for him, and you can’t stay in the confines of monogomy, then you two may need to separate temporarily.  I’d hate to see that happen, but this is obviously a huge part of yourself you feel you need to express. It’s not going to “go away.”  Just talk to each other about it because keeping it inside will indeed eat at your soul.

Oh – one more thingy – don’t expect Laura to want to play the third wheel on your open marriage bandwagon.  She’s playing in full uniform for the other team, meaning, just because she wants to plow your field doesn’t mean she’ll compromise what she wants to get you.  Or maybe she will.  But before you ‘go there’ you need to lay it all out for your husband.  He’s the one you made vows to years ago. You also need to think about if it’s Laura you really want, or has she just been a catalyst for your coming out party.  I’m sure sharing all this with your man sounds about as appealing as root canal without the good drugs, but it’s gotta be done.  Otherwise, you’ll end up acting out this stuff and really hurting him.  And you.

BTW, this is the most literal, obvious mix I’ve ever made. Couldn’t help it – sorry!

10.  “I Kissed a Girl,”  (Katy Perry)  I Kissed a Girl (Single).

09.  “Damn I Wish I was Your Lover,”  (Sophie B. Hawkins)   The Best of Sophie B. Hawkins.

08.  “Glory Box,”  (Portishead) Dummy.

07.  “Fidelity,”  (Regina Spektor) Begin to Hope.

06.  “I Always Knew,”  (Jem)  Down to Earth.

05.  “Your Little Secret,” (Melissa Etheridge) Your Little Secret.

04.  “I Want Your (Hands on Me),” (Sinead O’Connor) So Far.

03.  “I Melt with You,”  (Nouvelle Vague)  Nouvelle Vague.

02.  “A&E,”  (Goldfrapp) Seventh Tree.

01.  “Got to Be Real,”  (Cheryl Lynn)  Cheryl Lynn.

Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Confessions #8: The Wasted Years

So, one of the things I decided to do when I brought this blog back from the undead was to share a tad more about me and what goes on in my Malkovitch-manufactured human portal of existence (reference to “Being John Malkovitch” for those 20-somethings riding in their boosters. Welcome).  And I suppose, especially as I approach 40, I could conjure a decent load-sized mid-life crisis for your voyeuristic amusement.  But the truth is,  I’m a fairly happy unit these days.  Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind losing some J-Lo off my trunk or having a best-selling book (which assumes, of course, that I actually FINISH one of the many literary projects I’ve started over the years) to fan myself with at the latest cocktail party conundrum, but I figure I’ve got at least another 30-40 years of decent productive years left to come out with something halfway creative to be proud of (what about the blog, you ask? I mean something I actually get paid for, pumpkin).  My point is, I’m not sweating it yet.

Which is probably why I generally like to focus on others’ problems instead of my own.  I get that my happy plays boring from the cheap seats.  That said, I have the following neurotic confessions to make:

While I think I’m far from mediocre, I worry that I’ll never reach my potential, and my inherent laziness will – inevitably – lead me right back to mediocrity.  Which is even worse than being born ordinary because I would have wasted something actually given to me.

I fear I’m wasting the last of my youth being chubby, which you’d think would bother me enough to get off my ass and do something about it.  But that would interfere with my wine time, my habit of eating some ‘viddles’ while making dinner, those tasty social occasions when others cook, and hence, making everything that much yummier. Gets back to that lazy trait I keep mentioning.

I actually worry that I don’t have this huge list of things I want to do before I die.  And sometimes I think I’m already just waiting to die. Not in a depressing way, but in a way which says very little surprises or excites me anymore.

On second thought…perhaps I am more ripe for that mid-life crisis than I figured.  Whoda thunk it 😉

Mom of the Living Dead

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

I’m writing to you to ask if I should be concerned over something going on with my kid.  My 12-year-old daughter is obsessed with vampires.  She got hooked after reading the Twilight series and now only wants to wear black, pretend  her bed is a coffin, and sneaks my bright red lipstick and face powder so she looks more “vamp” (her words, not mine).  I know girls go through phases, but this is getting out of hand.  What do you think about this, and what should I do?

Thanks,

Mom of the Living Dead

Dear Mom of the Living Dead  (that’s funny, btw),

I could throw a bunch of psychobabble in your direction, marrying together classic developmental physiological milestones with psychological stage theory – and throw in a bit of Jungian archetypal symbolism as an amuse bouche just to keep it interesting.  But kitten, the short answer here is this: don’t worry about it. It’s a phase.  Don’t ignore her or get your knickers all in a twist over it.  The bigger deal you make of this, the more you fan the flames of drama. 

She’s in the first throws of adolescence (lucky you) so imagine you get to live a version of Halloween everyday, meaning, she’s going to be trying on different identities  to see what feels right.  All normal, by the way.  She’s also testing you, to see if you’re going to love and accept her no matter what.  Underneath the way-too-thick black eyeliner and smeared red lipstick (we can all thank Robert Smith from The Cure for that priceless combination), she wants to know if you’re going to still be there for her, even as she abandons the little girl she used to be. 

Also, the whole vampire thing is nothing new…in my day, everyone was going ape-shit over Anne Rice novels and listening to Bauhaus on a constant loop.  Most people, including your daughter, will merely dip their toe into the whole goth scene (short for “Gothic”) – be viewed as posers by the die-hards – and find some other costume to wear shortly after.  If her vampiric fixation begins to interfere with her school work or if she becomes increasingly isolated, then it’s time to worry and you may need to seek counseling at that time.  And even then, the issue is not vampires or wearing all black or listening to maudlin music – it’s classic depression, which teenage girls are especially susceptible.  Write back if it gets to that point, and I’ll help you find some resources. 

So that’s that scaredy cat. Enjoy the ride. Oy.

Oh, and here’s a mix to get you up to speed…

Old School Selections

10.  “Bloodletting (The Vampire Song),”  (Concrete Blonde) Bloodletting.

09. “Bela Lugosi’ Dead,” (Bauhaus) Bauhaus Singles.

08. “Taste of Blood,” (Mazzy Star) She Hangs Brightly.

07. “We Hunger,” (Siouxsie and the Banshees) Hyaena.

06. “If I was Your Vampire,” (Marilyn Manson) Eat Me, Drink Me.

05. “Burn,” (The Cure) Join the Dots: B-Sides and Rarities, 1978-2001.

Stuff Your Daughter Probably Likes

04. “Supermassive Black Hole,” (Muse) Twilight , Original Motion Picture Soundtrack.

03. “My Immortal,” (Evanescence) Fallen.

02. “Vampires Will Never Hurt You,” (My Chemical Romance) I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love.

01. “Satin in a Coffin,” (Modest Mouse) Good News for People Who Love Bad News.