Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,
So I’ve got a situation I know has never been on your blog…
I’m a 20-year-old college student living in New York. About a year ago, my parents went into bankruptcy, losing the family business that’s been in our family for four generations. I thought I was going to have to drop out of school and move back home (to Wisconsin), but instead, and to make a long story short, I got into the escort business. Now, I’m able to pay for my living expenses plus school no problem. My family thinks I’m a personal assistant to a wealthy, well-connected family (in reality, the guy is one of my clients).
Anyway, I don’t want you to lecture me on selling myself. I know what I’m doing and while this is certainly not a lifestyle choice, I’m fine with it for now. I only have three semesters of school left and then I graduate. It’s a means to an end.
My problem is this: one of my clients -let’s call him ‘Adam’ – has become overly attached. He’s actually a nice guy, funny, smart, a little controlling, but up until recently, very cool. He’s a trust fund baby (very well known family) who’s fairly close in age to me, which is maybe why I shared with him my real name, where I’m from, my life really.
Anyway, now he wants me to quit “work”, and school and just be his girlfriend. I told him I couldn’t do that, I need to finish school. After a couple more trys, he started getting angry, and now he’s threatening to tell my family, my school what I do for a living. I asked him why he would threatened such a thing if he cares about me. He says I’m ‘making him’ do it.
What do I do? Do I have any way out of this? I haven’t told anyone about this, except you.
Signed, The College Coquette
Wow, you’re in way over your head…you know, it’s stories such as this one which remind me of what Chris Rock said, “If you’re daughter’s on the pole, some how, some way, you’ve MAJORLY fucked up.” But I’ll get to that in a minute…
First, let’s get you away from this guy. Go to your escort service, and tell them the situation. I’m sure they’ve heard this one before and can persuade him to knock it off. If not, gather evidence of your time together – the DNA kind, the credit card/checks/evidence of payment type is preferable – and tell him if he bothers you or your family, you’re going to the press and to HIS family. Trust me, he doesn’t want the mess and has just as much – if not more – to lose than you. If it escalates further, go to the police – which I know is the last thing you want to do, but your safety comes first.
Then, do what most girls do and TAKE OUT A FUCKING STUDENT LOAN, GET A JOB AS A WAITRESS OR SOMETHING and get out of this business for good. It’s only three semesters, you won’t be in debt forever. Because guess what? Selling yourself is a big deal. I know you don’t want to hear it, but too bad. Your body, your self-respect is worth infinitely more than what they’re paying. Besides you’re kidding yourself if you think it’s going to be so easy to walk away. Being a prostitute really fucks with your head about what men are like…if it hasn’t happened already, you’re going to think they’re all low-down, dirty dogs or pathetic headcases. It’s an extremely skewed view of the world when primarily seen through our worst vices. Plus, the money’s so good that you’ll find yourself justifying almost anything to keep it coming in. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t be that girl.
Also, consider this guy – not a nice guy, btw – a warning: there are plenty of girls in your business who are never heard from again, because someone with money and power had them “taken care of.” Trust me, that would devastate your parents much more than bankruptcy ever did.
Whatever you decide to do, please contact the Sex Worker Outreach Project of New York City. SWOP-NYC has open meetings (for current/former sex workers) and are held the third Thursday of every month in the Financial District of lower Manhattan from 7-9pm. Please be punctual, respect the space, and the privacy of attendees. No one is required to out themselves as a current or former sex worker or otherwise. For the exact location, please introduce yourself by email to: firstname.lastname@example.org
I’m sure they can help you out even better than I can. Good luck.
10. “Sex Type Thing,” (Stone Temple Pilots) Core.
09. “Freak on a Leash,” (Korn) Freak on a Leash.
08. “Salute Your Solution,” (The Rancoteurs) Consolers of the Lonely.
07. “Sour Cherry,” (The Kills) Midnight Boom.
06. “Move Along,” (The All-American Rejects) Move Along.
05. “An End Has a Start,” (Editors) An End Has a Start.
04. “Fix You,” (Coldplay) X & Y.
03. “Here Comes a Regular,” (The Replacements) Don’t You Know Who I Think I Was?
02. “Tears are In Your Eyes,” (Yo La Tengo) And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out.
01. “Another Morning,” (The American Music Club) Love Songs for Patriots.