Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Confession #12: Still Crazy After All These Years


This December, Mr. Mix and I will be celebrating our 13th anniversary.  Yep, Lucky 13.  And I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors in your hobbit houses, but here at Mix & Bitch headquarters, we’re working hard not to get stuck in the label of co-parents first and lovers much later.  When the girls were younger, we definitely failed at that many times.  But now Drama Queen’s almost six and Sweet Pea just turned ten, so needless to say that while they still have these Spidey Senses which insist on busting in on us the minute we’re alone together, we’re starting to manipulate their schedules more so we actually get the house to ourselves once in a while.

Not nearly enough.

Anyway, in addition to just getting actual alone time together, we’re trying to keep it “fresh” – which GodDamn I don’t know how you do when you’ve been fucking the same person for most of your adult life.  Before Mr. Mix came alone my longest relationship was just shy a year, and trust me, that was the outlier stat in my dating history because most of them lasted between 3-6 months on average. 

Why so little?

Hmm…well, Ms. Mix & Bitch had MAJOR emotional intimacy/father issues (yum – just a delic combo)…the minute a guy started talking commitment, I literally got ill.  I remember going on a date with this guy Mandy in college (yes, it was a guy. Really. His parents must have really loved Barry Manilow, I guess 😉  who was expressing how much he liked me – probably because I was one of the few girls he knew who liked Bob Dylan – and while he’s being perfectly normal and sweet and forthcoming, Lil Miss Fucked in the Head literally stopped walking on the South Beach boardwalk by The Clevelander to hurl in an alley.  I blamed it on the sushi, but deep down, I knew better.

The ones who lasted longer were even more emotionally distant and messed up than I was (yes, I’m talking about you, E.K.)…what’s my point? I guess I’m just amazed that my man and I still want to get it on after so long.  I just wish that keeping it fresh didn’t sometimes feel like work.  Not all the time, but it takes effort to not fall into the same ol, same ol patterns.  That said, we’re not up for swinging or swapping or watching the other with someone else.  Either I’m just not that freaky or free or ridiculous, take your pick. And the whole tying up/role playing thingy feels like Halloween Gone Bad to us.

I wouldn’t mind another “husband” – you know, Utah style – because I like the idea of monogomy and, um, you know, actually knowing the person who’s lap sword’s going into you, but I don’t think Mr. Mix is going for that one anytime soon.  Although man would it take the pressure off of him.

“Want to go to the movies honey?”

“Can we see the latest action adventure load of crap?”

“No, I want to see the overindulgent weepy chick flick.”

“Shit babe, can’t you just take ‘Zack’ ? (this is the name of my fictitious second husband)”

“Sure thing – go watch the game. Buh bye!”

‘Zack’ would help with the kids and go to all that museum-y/chick lite outings I want to go to, and be up for sex in the middle of the afternoon and help with the grocery shopping afterwards and….

Wait a second. That’s not a second husband. That’s a wife.  Man, and I thought I was really onto something 😉


10 responses to “Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Confession #12: Still Crazy After All These Years

  1. So refreshing to find another who gets it. Thanks for the smile.

  2. I think most other long-term couples go through the same thing. We’re just not talking about it to one another.

  3. Everyone goes through it, but there ARE ways to spice things up. First, don’t necessarily downplay the whole “swinging” thing. You don’t have to go to some cheesy club for those types of experiences. Have some wine and talk to your close friends; you might be surprised that they could be up for a little “touch and play.” You keep it to the level you feel comfortable.

  4. There’s *got* to be a mix tape for this one. Get on it!

  5. I love how you infuse your humor and wit into every sentence. Keep on rocking my dear.

  6. Ok…Alex thinks I need to rethink the whole swinging thing with my friends…

    So if you’re a close friend of mine (you’re all hot) and you have a sexy husband (not as many) then holla if you want some wine and for me to cop a feel.

    Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

  7. My husband and I have been together for almost ten years, and last year we discovered blindfolds … we don’t use them all the time, but it can definitely be fun to not know what’s coming next.

  8. Have you seen what those swingers look like on Real Sex and whatnot? That right there will keep you far away from swinging. Sounds like you have it pretty well figured out already though.

    Been married for 10 years, together for 16 — that’s half of our lives, pretty much. We recently took a grown-up trip (left the kids with the grandparents and went somewhere not too far but far enough that we were unavailable), and staying in a beautiful hotel with a beautiful view and a beautiful giant bathtub and absolutely no agenda left us totally recharged as needed. 😉 I highly recommend a get-away trip.

  9. There ya go. I am a firm believer in the sex vaca. We really do need to get away for a weekend…

    It’s amazing how much more exciting things get when you’re not worried about:

    1) Getting caught by kids,

    2) Being heard by kids,

    3) Being just down the hall from kids.

    I love our life and our girls, but kids are the biggest romance/sex killers ever. Only thing worse is when we stay with our parents.

    Ok, I just made myself a little sick…

  10. How in the world did I miss this gem of a post???

    We’ve been married 16 years and together 19. We just found time last night and, while I cannot completely speak for her – although, like most men, I’d like to – the experience was better than ever.

    For me (and I’m unanimous in this decision) making love is more than the physical act. It’s about bonding and sharing, intimacy and respect. Even when I’m coveting my neighbor, (oh, yeah, I’m looking at you), I know deep down all I really want is another moment with the Mrs.

    Gadgets and games only go so far. At the end of the day it’s all about the love.

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