So not like this is major news or something, but Rosie O’Donnell and her partner, Kellie Carpenter are currently separated – and I was, like, completely shocked because it went against my ridiculous stereotyped notion about lesbian couples, that they last forever because:
1) They’re women, and “naturally” more commitment-minded.
2) They don’t have to deal with men.
3) Eliminating hair in the sink and toilet seats left up actually does lead to eternal domestic bliss.
4) They don’t have to deal with men -oh wait, I said that already. Oopsie.
They’ve only been married for, like, five years. In lesbo years, that’s like six months and in gay man land, that’s easily the equivalent of twenty years. For us heteros, we’re living in real time – and it’s all agony. Kidding. Really.
Of course, I realize that there are plenty of lesbian women who are just as much of a pain in the ass as my man meat choices, and a sorry few who probably leave hair in the sink.
And excluding my brief Sapphic phase my junior year in college – and just to torture my guy readers, yes, she was exquisite – think Tawny Kitaen during his Whitesnake video phase:
Not her post baseball player/felony phase:
After that lil’ which-way-my-bread-was-buttered experient, I knew through and through I’m stuck with the men forever. Yeah, yeah, you rock my world. Whadaya gonna do?
Anyway, guess domestic discord is an equal opportunity mindfucker. Here’s my top ten for the ladies lovin the ladies…and just to make it harder on myself, I’m banning Melissa Etheridge and k.d. lang:
10. “Female of the Species,” (Space) Greatest Hits.
09. “Bells and Bombs,” (Erin McKeown) We Will Become Like Birds.
08. “I Melt with You,” (Nouvelle Vague) Nouvelle Vague.
07. “You Cheated Me,” (Martha Wainwright) I Know You’re Married, But I’ve Got Feelings Too.
06. “Light My Fire,” (Patricia Barber) Modern Cool.
05. “Cutie Pie,” (All Girl Summer Fun Band) All Girl Summer Fun Band.
04. “Fidelity,” (Regina Specktor) Begin to Hope.
03. “Love Song #1,” (Me’Shell Ndegeocello) Comfort Woman.
02. “Your Love,” (The Butchies) Make Yr Life.
01. “Karen By Night,” (Jill Sobule) Jill Sobule.