Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Top Three Reasons Why Roman Polanski is Really in the Hospital

So in case you haven’t heard, the sick bastard Roman Polanski was rushed from his place in Purgatory Swiss prison cell to a nearby hospital for a current condition “not of exceptional gravity.”  No other details were given at this time.

Hmm…why so vague? Such generalities leads my brain-a-wandering and I’ve come up with the following reasons:

3.  The Sound of His Victim’s Tell Tale Heart Drove Polanski Mad.

Yeah, yeah, it’s a literary reference you idiots.  I have a lil’ fantasy of Polanski sitting in his cell, and being haunted by the sound of that 13-year-old girl’s heart beating madly, wildly in his ears – making him lose his mind.  I know, I know, dare to dream…

2.  He Got a Scorching Case of Crabs from the Last Prison Key Party.

Hmm…maybe that All Things from the 70’s Cell Block party wasn’t such a good idea after all?

1.  A Fellow Prison Mate Made’em His Bitch and Roman’s Suffering the Effects of the ‘Polanski Treatment.’

Not so much fun when it’s done to you, eh dick wad? I think from now on, when someone gets fucked up the ass against their will, in addition to calling it rape, I say someone Polanski’d them good. I can only hope he’s in the hospital, with an holeful of Preparation H while he’s crying like the limp weasel he is.  You got Polanski’d, punk. You got it good.  Karma’s a vengeful bitch.

10.  “Way Down in the Hole,”  (Tom Waits)  Frank’s Wild Years.

09.  “Let the Devil In,”  (TV on the Radio) Return to Cookie Mountain.

08.  “Do Do Wap is Strong in Here,” (Curtis Mayfield) Short Eyes (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack).

07. “Welcome to the Jungle,”  (Guns N’ Roses)  Appetite for Destruction.

06. ” The Unforgiven,”  (Hal Ketchum) Awaiting Redemption.

05.  “All Apologies,”  (Nirvana)  MTV Unplugged in New York: Nirvana.

04.  “Needle in the Hay,”  (Elliott Smith)  Elliott Smith.

03.  “Pay the Devil,”  (Van Morrisson)  Pay the Devil.

02.  “Message in a Bottle,”  (The Police)  Regatta de Blanc.

01.  “B.M.F.A. (Bloody Motherfuckin’ Asshole)  (Martha Wainwright)  Martha Wainwright.  (PS: I know I use this song a lot in my mixes, but man was it perfect for this one).

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4 responses to “Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Top Three Reasons Why Roman Polanski is Really in the Hospital

  1. haha

  2. Where the hell do you find these pictures?

  3. Ha!!

    Love it!

  4. No Date Rape? Because that’d be a good fit with reason #1.

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