Bless Me Father for I Have Sinned…

blog.gif image by winky_tikiEven though I’m not very big on religion, I gotta admit, I dig a good confession. 

There’s nothing more cathartic than digging up your dirt and heaving it overboard.  So, on this day, Yom Kippur – think of it as one big confessional day for the Jews – I’m not only purging my sins, but offering (anonymously, of course) some of the best confessions written to me by readers. These were people who specifically did not want me to answer a question, but felt the need to confess on the (literally) virtual Mix Tape Therapy couch.

Here’s the Top Mix Tape Therapy Confessions

3.  Mmm-Liking Some Burger with That Shake

“I’m just your average white guy who lives with this hot girl I love.  We’re fine, everything’s good.  This new woman moved into our building.  She’s a beautiful black woman with luscious big lips, a fat ass, and mountains for tits.  I want to do every nasty thing to her you could imagine.  I want to fuck her tits and ram her up the ass. I want to watch those lips go down my shaft over and over again. I have to admit, I’m not as turned on by my girlfriend like I used to be.  Now, she seems too skinny and unanimated.  I know that Yvonne is just a fantasy and what I have with my girlfriend is real. I just wanted to get the fantasy out of my head. Thanks for listening.”

2.  Baby I Need Your Lovin’

“Me and my husband are trying to have a baby.  We’re going through infertility treatments and are keeping our hopes up.  Meanwhile, my little sister’s best friend, who is sixteen years old, got knocked up without trying and is going through with the pregnancy.  Everytime I visit my family, that little whore is there, complaining the whole time how much pregnancy sucks and how miserable she is.  My parents and sister are too meek to tell this girl to shut up in front of me, but I’m ready to kill her.  I want to knock her out with one punch and pull out that baby with my bare hands.  It’s not her fault.  She doesn’t know I’m a barren wasteland of a woman because I’m keeping my infertility issues private.  I still want to hurt her a little.  Well, maybe a lot.  Wish me luck getting as knocked up and miserable as this little bitch.”

1.  Peter Pan Syndrome

Can ya dig it? Can ya?

“I’ve always got off on seeing my girlfriend dress up for me during sex.  It’s usually been the usual stuff, corsets, garter belts. Now I want to change it up a bit.  I bought her a Tinkerbell costume and me Peter Pan.  I haven’t had the guts to show it to her yet, but what I’m thinking is that we dress up, pretend the backyard is Never Never Land and we sprinkle fairy dust all over each other. Is that weird? Am I going to freak her out? You know what, don’t answer that. Because if it is and you tell me, then I’ll never get up the nerve. Just wish me luck, ok?”

(PS: I do.)

By the way, thanks for sharing these with me.  Here are a few things I’m personally atoning for this year:

*  I’m sorry to my husband for the annoying habit of sharing our problems with others before talking with you about it.  It may be how I ‘process’, but considering that you’re a very private person, I can see how it bothers you how I talk about our finances, lack of a sex life, family issues, with others.  I’m working on that 😉

*  I want to apologize to my girls for giving them nicknames on this blog I know they’d hate.  I’m also sorry I’m not the kind of mom who revels in tickle monster attacks and pillow fights.  Mama has issues with her inner child and she’s working on them.  I’ll try to be fun in other ways. Promise.

* A serious shout out apology to the (soon to be ex) wife of a good friend of mine.  While you two were together, you shared some secrets with me, and when you left my friend, I told him what you said.  There’s no excuse for me betraying your trust. I thought at the time it would help him move on from you, and frankly, I was very angry at the ways you hurt him.  However, in demonstrating my loyalty to him, I abandoned my principles, and I apologize for that. 

* I should also apologize to all the mothers of the children who go to my kids’ school.  While I’m swapping sugar and smiling as sweet as honey, I’m quietly judging you.  If it’s any consolation, your ass looks better in jeans than mine does.

I’m sure there’s more, but I’m exhausted from the purging.  Signing out.


4 responses to “Bless Me Father for I Have Sinned…

  1. Damn those school mothers and their perfect asses! Do they drop off their kids and go home to 6 hours straight on the elliptical? It makes me want to drop my kids off in a robe and hair curlers while puffing desperately on a cigarette. Except I never drop my kids off. My husband does.

  2. Actually, I know a few of them run off to their 24 hour gyms in the middle of the night any time their husbands try to initiate having sex.

    It’s just…sad. Toned, but sad…

  3. Good for you!!! Meaning all the confessing.

    And talk about those (physically close to) perfect old(er) women…they’re kids suck, they suck. They’re boring, lame and they don’t know how to roll a joint. Plus they their children do not know what Karma is and how it works. Do yours? YES!
    Plus the older one ALWAYS finds your car in a parking lot. That’s pretty darn close to magic and just for that she is priceless.

  4. Guess what sugar…I don’t know how to roll a joint either. I may not smoke, but at least I’m not boring or lame.

    Thanks for having my back tho luv…

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