Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Growing Pet Peeves of 2009

Believe it or not, I’m the kind of person who likes to let the little things go.  Holding onto grudges – or petty annoyances – is not just a waste of time, but cause even more of those friggin lil’ lines around the eyes. And who needs that, right?

O.k., that said, there’s already been a couple of, how shall we say it, incidences  in 2009 that are already getting under my skin.

5. The Return of 80s Fashion

Ok, I realize that this started last year, but the trend seems to be like the hacking cough in your lungs that won’t go away.

Now that I’m back in grad school at Catholic University in DC, I get to see how the kids are hanging their threads these days.  And what I see just breaks my heart and blows my mind. 

Because folks, I lived through the 80s.  I remember the day-glo spandex pants, the flashdance off-the-shoulder sweater tops, and the T-shirts from Frankie telling us to RELAX already.  I didn’t have a choice. I was sixteen and stupid. 

But the young people of today DO have a choice. So why in the Devil’s good name are they wearing that crap? I don’t have a clue, and frankly, I find the return of 80s fashion just as disturbing as the popularity of The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus.  In fact, all these things together represent the milleau that was the vacuous, Disneyfied, bubble gum pop scene of the 80s. And now it’s back again, like a herpes virus on the schlong, and just as frightening. Please just wake me up when it’s over.

4. The Return of “The Bachelor,” “Desperate Housewives,” and “American Idol.”

I have no problem with guilty pleasures.  I have many of my own.  In fact, I used to watch a litany of them on the Bravo Channel.  But enough’s enough already.

I mean, how many times can I watch a bunch of women shame our gender, in ways that – in my view – should take the pressure off porn, wear gawdy pastels over orange leather skin, and spending wallops of money on overindulgent crap?

How many more occasions do I have to see women prostitute themselves in front of some dickweed in order to get a ring and a proposal he’s never going to close on anyways?  Now there’s a little boy involved in the mix.  Oh great, can you imagine that parent night?

 “That’s right Ms. Longshot, Daddy won Mommy in a TV game show! Which one of these 3rd grade bitches can I get?” 

3. People Looking at Pictures of Me in My 20’s and Saying, “Wow, That was YOU?”

(To answer your question…uh no, I never looked liked this. But you get the idea)

 

Yeah, I get it. I was a hottie. And guess what jerk offs, I don’t need your little comments to jar that back into my memory. I get a bird’s eye view everyday in the mirror.

That’s what happens when you gain too much weight from childbirth and previous depressions.

The good news is, this one’s completely in my control and 2009 is going to be my “Return of the Uber Me.”

I’ll post pictures and give you my progress along this oh-so-humiliating journey. Why? Because for years I’ve encouraged people to write in their most private issues in order for me to offer advice and a quick jab to the proverbial ribs. Now, it’s my turn to work on something that’s been bothering me for a while now.

I look forward to you calling me on my bullshit and offering me whatever support you can.

2. Being Called “Ma’am.”

(People, I am this close from becoming Patsy Stone from Absolutely Fabulous. And not in a good way.)

True story…

Yesterday, I’m standing in line at the Starbucks on campus, when the gal behind the counter says, “Can I help you miss (looks me up and down), uh, I mean, ma’am?”

OH MY GOD KILL ME NOW!

I felt like Patsy when the help in France would call her “madame” and she would shriek back, “It’s MADEMOISELLE, you little shit. MADEMOISELLE! Ah buggers, just PISS OFF!”

Guess what there cupie doll? No tip for you.

1.  My Hit Numbers Aren’t Growing

No, this is NOT my blog stats…

I wish I had numbers in the 30,000-60,000 range.

So do me a favor. You like the blog? Tell your friends. Add me to your blog roll. And just to show you I’m not greedy, my goal is to average between 3,000-6,000 hits a day by Spring. I’ll do my part and offer more material.

And an added bonus – whomever offers the most referrals will get a prize. Really.

Coming up this week…

Belated Album Reviews of 2008 and What to Look Forward to in 2009

Problem of the Week: How a Tranny Can Look More Feminine.

and…

Caren’s Fat Ass Progress Report

 

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14 responses to “Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Growing Pet Peeves of 2009

  1. Oh I hate that ma’am thing too. I look around and wonder just who they are talking to, it can’t be the fabulous and wonderfully young… me!!

    (But then I am near GW a lot so am finding myself constantly reminded that, yes, they might just be talking to me and… well, after listening to some of those conversations at the local hang outs… maybe being a ma’am isn’t a bad thing)

  2. i love your blog…have it on my blog roll but 3000-6000 hits a day???
    i’m happy with 60!!!

    maybe i need to rethink my goals….

  3. Tracya,

    We all need to aim for the stars, baby doll 😉

  4. That top photo? is the face I make whenever a first-year undergrad in stirrup pants calls me ‘Ma’am”.

  5. Mixy Minx-
    It could be worse….when my now four year old daughter was a baby, not only was I 50 pounds heavier, but my skin took on a mysterious allergy condition. My undereyes and eyelids were red and itchy and prematurely aged. So until I found a dermatological and diet solution at 35 people were telling me almost daily what a beautiful GRANDDAUGHTER I had.

    Better to have been hot, then ma’am, then hot ma’am than never to have been hot at all!

  6. Oh dear god I want to bbgun all these little 80’s having twerps! My family was pretty well-to-do back then and I could not find anything to wear. It ALL sucked. I did not buy more than $50 worth of clothes for a decade. No exaggeration. Thank god my mom was young and super hip…I just wore her stuff and took the ostracism with pride as those stepped-hairdo’ed, cotton ginny/club monaco/esprit clones with boat shoes brought the torment. I am pleased with myself to this day!

    Whew – thanks! You’re good at this therapy thing!

  7. If it makes you feel any better, I just followed a link from Pajiba.com, and am subscribing because you’re old enough for me not to shoo you off my lawn. Good luck with the hit numbers, and viva la GenX.

  8. Is it just me, or do I have the coolest readers EVER!?

  9. I am 25 goddamn years old. I constantly get carded, told I look 16, and scrutinized at R-rated movies. MA’AM??? Yesterday at starbucks the little fuckwit behind the counter called me “MADAM.” I swear to jebus I will beat you.

  10. Just for the record, from the moment I first saw your photo I’ve harbored a secret crush for you. Now, I admit I haven’t seen pictures of you back in the day, but from what I see now you look as lovely as ever.

    So quit bitchin’ and start mixin’. Find me some more music like Jamie Lidell makes cause it gives me smiles.

  11. Ah Duane,

    You sweet talker, Betty Crocker.

    But you know the rules…gotta pose a question in order to get a customized mix. So spill it baby.

  12. My man was happy the other day when he stumbled upon the right outfit to cause a spontanious “sir” at the store. I told him that “ma’am” is NOT the same!

  13. All I remember is going to Starbucks with you and Samara and that blonde calling you “ma’am”…I will never forget your face right there and then, ever. priceless.
    Other than that, you rule, as always.

    If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate. ~Diogenes the Cynic

  14. I’m guessing you’ve abandoned the site? No new posts in a while so I’m drawing my own conclusion. Well, I miss you and your insightful diagnosis.

    If I had some problems I’d share them with you, but, alas, aside from unrealistic crushes on total strangers, I’m perfect.

    I had a blog once, too. Both of my readers were very sad when I stopped posting.

    At the very least, lose that Jerry Zucker tool pic from the front page.

    Best, Duane

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