Believe it or not, I’m the kind of person who likes to let the little things go. Holding onto grudges – or petty annoyances – is not just a waste of time, but cause even more of those friggin lil’ lines around the eyes. And who needs that, right?
O.k., that said, there’s already been a couple of, how shall we say it, incidences in 2009 that are already getting under my skin.
5. The Return of 80s Fashion
Ok, I realize that this started last year, but the trend seems to be like the hacking cough in your lungs that won’t go away.
Now that I’m back in grad school at Catholic University in DC, I get to see how the kids are hanging their threads these days. And what I see just breaks my heart and blows my mind.
Because folks, I lived through the 80s. I remember the day-glo spandex pants, the flashdance off-the-shoulder sweater tops, and the T-shirts from Frankie telling us to RELAX already. I didn’t have a choice. I was sixteen and stupid.
But the young people of today DO have a choice. So why in the Devil’s good name are they wearing that crap? I don’t have a clue, and frankly, I find the return of 80s fashion just as disturbing as the popularity of The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. In fact, all these things together represent the milleau that was the vacuous, Disneyfied, bubble gum pop scene of the 80s. And now it’s back again, like a herpes virus on the schlong, and just as frightening. Please just wake me up when it’s over.
4. The Return of “The Bachelor,” “Desperate Housewives,” and “American Idol.”
I have no problem with guilty pleasures. I have many of my own. In fact, I used to watch a litany of them on the Bravo Channel. But enough’s enough already.
I mean, how many times can I watch a bunch of women shame our gender, in ways that – in my view – should take the pressure off porn, wear gawdy pastels over orange leather skin, and spending wallops of money on overindulgent crap?
How many more occasions do I have to see women prostitute themselves in front of some dickweed in order to get a ring and a proposal he’s never going to close on anyways? Now there’s a little boy involved in the mix. Oh great, can you imagine that parent night?
“That’s right Ms. Longshot, Daddy won Mommy in a TV game show! Which one of these 3rd grade bitches can I get?”
3. People Looking at Pictures of Me in My 20’s and Saying, “Wow, That was YOU?”
(To answer your question…uh no, I never looked liked this. But you get the idea)
Yeah, I get it. I was a hottie. And guess what jerk offs, I don’t need your little comments to jar that back into my memory. I get a bird’s eye view everyday in the mirror.
That’s what happens when you gain too much weight from childbirth and previous depressions.
The good news is, this one’s completely in my control and 2009 is going to be my “Return of the Uber Me.”
I’ll post pictures and give you my progress along this oh-so-humiliating journey. Why? Because for years I’ve encouraged people to write in their most private issues in order for me to offer advice and a quick jab to the proverbial ribs. Now, it’s my turn to work on something that’s been bothering me for a while now.
I look forward to you calling me on my bullshit and offering me whatever support you can.
2. Being Called “Ma’am.”
(People, I am this close from becoming Patsy Stone from Absolutely Fabulous. And not in a good way.)
Yesterday, I’m standing in line at the Starbucks on campus, when the gal behind the counter says, “Can I help you miss (looks me up and down), uh, I mean, ma’am?”
OH MY GOD KILL ME NOW!
I felt like Patsy when the help in France would call her “madame” and she would shriek back, “It’s MADEMOISELLE, you little shit. MADEMOISELLE! Ah buggers, just PISS OFF!”
Guess what there cupie doll? No tip for you.
1. My Hit Numbers Aren’t Growing
No, this is NOT my blog stats…
I wish I had numbers in the 30,000-60,000 range.
So do me a favor. You like the blog? Tell your friends. Add me to your blog roll. And just to show you I’m not greedy, my goal is to average between 3,000-6,000 hits a day by Spring. I’ll do my part and offer more material.
And an added bonus – whomever offers the most referrals will get a prize. Really.
Coming up this week…
Belated Album Reviews of 2008 and What to Look Forward to in 2009
Problem of the Week: How a Tranny Can Look More Feminine.
Caren’s Fat Ass Progress Report