Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,
I am becoming my own worst nightmare. I’ve been happily married for 10 years to an amazing man. His attributes are long, and I consider myself a lucky woman. The problem is we have different sex drives. It seems like I want it all the time, and him, well, rarely. We’re both just over 40 and maybe have sex once a month. It’s driving me crazy and I’ve already worn through two rabbits (editor’s note: these are vibrating dildos, in case you were wondering there folks). I’m tired of masturbating and I’m sick of having to perform miracles to get him interested in sex. He was never THAT into sex, but the older we get, the worse it gets.
I love him, but if things don’t change soon, I’m afraid I’m going to wreck a good thing and cheat. I hope you have some good advice for me. Thanks.
(This movie’s so hot, you really can’t choose who’d you want to ride raw first.)
Signed, Horny as Hell
Dear Horny Hellion,
Ah, nature doth have a sense of humor, doesn’t she? By giving men their highest sex drives in their late teens and women their peaks into their forties, well, you know the gods above are getting a good belly laugh out of us.
Anyhoo, I know a lot of women with similar problems, and the first thing I tell them to do is to have their man go to their doctor, and ask for a blood test to check their testoserone levels. Eight out of ten people I’ve known who have done this has found them to be below average. They have to ask for it, though, because doctors do not perform this test as part of the usual check up. Also, don’t be surprised if your man gets defensive about doing this…they think it’s a testament to their manhood (to which I say, whatever). Be persistent and don’t be surprised if you have to make the appointment for him.
If the test comes back normal, then stress – the catch-all, annoying phrase we hear all the time – may be the problem. Which is something you can’t handle for him, BTW, but then you may need to talk to a counselor. Of course, there could be more serious reasons your man’s little solider doesn’t command to attention like he used to, but don’t go there unless you have to…unfortunately, you’re going to have to be systematic about this to figure out what’s up – or not up – as much as you want, so to speak.
The trick is to make sure you remain as positive as possible throughout this, because getting all wound up and irritated with him will only add more pressure to the situation. I’m going to cross my fingers and uncross my legs and hope it’s the hormonal imbalance, because that’s the easiest thing to treat. Once the problem resides between his ears, well, that’s a whole other problem that may take months or even years to fix. The key is, keep talking – don’t let this become the unspoken issue between you two. If you’re as solid as you say you are, he’ll be just as interested in fixing this as much as you, as long as you let him know how important this is to you.
Good luck, horn dog.