Mommy Dearest

Hey Mixy,

Girl Named Boo here, and man have I got a good one for you.

http://girlnamedboo.blogspot.com/2008/10/mommy-dearest.html

That’s a link to my recent blog post, but I’ll copy and paste here for you so you don’t have to, you know, copy and paste the link or anything.
“Ok, are you ready for this?

With five weeks left until we can move into our new home, the woman I knew as “Mom” has kicked my husband and I out of her basement.

She told me this while I was at work on Friday. There was no fight. There was no drug-running from the basement. No broken windows. No exorbitant power bills. The reason? She and her boyfriend need privacy.

To say that I’m reeling is a drastic understatement. To say that I’m devastated is closer to the truth. To say that I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life is pretty spot on.

She told me all this over the phone. I sobbed at work. I went for a walk and came back. I sobbed more. She has yet to look at me, much less speak to me.

Luckily for me and my little family unit, we have an amazing support system. Within 2 hours of finding out I have nowhere to live, we had secured a place to live in rent free with our animals until we can finish the house.

Oh yeah, did I mention that we are just now beginning to do our finishing work on the house? The house that I WAS living 30 feet from in order to make that work more convenient, but now have to travel 30 minutes one way to reach? Did I mention that we are doing all the flooring, building the kitchen, building both bathrooms, painting, and running the trim? Did I mention that? Because I think the woman I called “mom” has forgotten. Strange, she is only 51. Early onset Alzheimer’s? I wish.

So tonight marks our first night in a being-remodeled rental. The hubs and I are finishing the remodel work in the rental in exchange for the place to stay. And we are finishing our house. Awesome.

I might be a bit M.I.A. for the next couple of weeks, but when our house is done I promise I’ll have pictures.
Does anyone know what to do when your mom decides you are no longer a part of her life? Because these are new and risky waters for me. I could use a good word. Maybe I can get a mix from Ms. Mix-and-Bitch.”

What in the hell do I do??? My mom and I have always had a really good relationship until the last couple of years (my dad passed away 3 years ago, and it went all downhill from there…). I’m actually dealing with my “Mom Issues” in real therapy right now, but this has happen recently and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. We are building a house right beside her.

ARG.

Thanks doll. Hope school is going well.

-Boo (has a boo boo on her heart)  😦

Dear Boo,

Only one of my favorite bloggers could bring me back from the dead known as the overwhelming responsibilities of my own life in order to help out a fellow sister. Only for you, Boo…

First of all, trust me when I tell you I know exactly what you’re going through.  And it’s a very deep pain, because it seems to go against nature itself to see our parents push us aside for another.  Ah, gotta love those narcissistic, Me-Generation, Baby Boomers. They bring selfishness to a whole other level…

That said, I’m very happy that you did have a safety net, and regardless of the pain-in-the-ass factor, you’re still going to get the job done. I’m also relieved you have a kick-ass partner in life…believe me, having a secure, pull-through-for-you network is vital in assuaging some of the pain in your mother’s betrayal.

I know “betrayal” is a heavy word, but it’s appropriate here. And she knows it too, because she can’t look you in the eye.  Ms. Boo, I wish I could tell you why our parents give up their kinder for the pelvis thrust rush, but it does happen more often than not…although it’s usually the fathers abandoning their children for the new woman in their life, instead of the mother. But I guess being an ass is an equal opportunity employer here.

I hope in time your mother realizes the mistake she has made…meanwhile, now you know what she’s made of…but remember this: while she has done a bad thing here, it does not mean she’s a “bad person.” I will assume from the tone of your letter that this is the first time she’s really let you down. When things calm down a bit, perhaps give her a talk -just between you girls – that women don’t dump one another for a man. And that her choosing the wishes of her boyfriend over her promise to you and your man was a major error that you hope never happens again. Parents make mistakes too, and if we’re ever going to survive the relationships in this mortal coil, we must understand one thing:

(1) We may NEVER understand why the people we love do the things they do.

I hope for you, in time, she can try to explain it to you – and to say how sorry she is.

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3 responses to “Mommy Dearest

  1. Aw, thank you so much Mixy. I totally wasn’t expecting you to mix one so quickly!

    I agree totally with the word “betrayal.” That is what it felt–and still feels–like. But I don’t know if she knows how much this hurt me (and my husband).

    I’m no longer trying to understand why she did what she did; I’m working towards the “no expectations” of her on every level kind of attitude. But we will never have the same closeness that we once did. That trust is gone, and I am growing up (at the age of 28!!) pretty quickly now. In the end, it was good for me; I have a real sense of liberation that I’ve never had before, and I’m finally allowing myself to seek out the things that I want, not the things that I think will make her happy.

    Thanks Mixy. I don’t know what I would do without my cyber-support. Truly.

    Love,

    Boo

  2. My mother has betrayed me before, except with money. I lost the closeness at first, but as years go by and I see my mother age I have chosen to forgive her. I just won’t ever get into a money-deal with her again… I would suggest with your mother, just do not rely on her like you once did. Don’t stay over at her house anymore or go hang out as much as you used to. She will miss you and tell you… but she may never tell you that she’s sorry. Mine never did.

  3. I pitched this as a show to VH1 about 10 years ago. “Mix Tape” — what a great show it would have been. Ah well

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