“Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,
I am 23 years old and I got out of rehab about 6 months ago. I was addicted to heroin and used since I was fifteen years old. I’m lucky I’m not dead now.
The reason why I’m writing is because I still can’t get my family and friends to trust me. I know they love me, but it feels like there’s this wall stuck between us. I’m trying to make up for the past, but even when I deliver on something I promised, I still get a “wait and see” response from them. I know I was a major fuck up for years, but this whole thing is wearing me down too. What do I have to do to let them trust me again?
See the above graphic? Well, that’s your answer.
You need time.
Your friends and family need time.
I know you think you know that you’ve messed up for a long time, but I really don’t think you get it. You been using since you were fifteen and you just got clean six months ago. That’s approximately eight years of lying and deception on your part. Now I know while you were in rehab they told you about your disease, and how it’s out of your control, but personally, I only think that’s part of the equation – and certainly by no means your absolution from the past.
In other words, you’ve gotta earn it. And that takes times, which I’m sure you have plenty of at this point. Be grateful you are still around to be able to do that.
If I have anything for you in terms of “advice,” it would be to sit down with your people and share your feelings with them. Use the communication tools you learned in rehab, and don’t expect to receive the responses you want to hear, but the ones you need to hear. In time…yes time …these relationships will be repaired. Talk to you counselor/sponsor about these issues – bring them up at your meetings. Get it out of yourself. That’s the best way to avoid relapsing, which would irrevocably damage all your work ’til now.
10. “Absolution,” [Muse] Absolution.
9. “Rock and A Hard Place,” [Supreme Beings of Lightness] Divine Operating System.
8. “Drugs or Me,” [Jimmy Eat World] Futures.
7. “Hurt,” [Nine Inch Nails] Downward Spiral.
6. “Waiting to Die,” [Zero 7] The Garden.
5. “The Time We Lost Our Way,” [Thievery Corporation & Loulou] The Cosmic Game.
4. “Turn On Me,” [The Shins] Wincing the Night Away.
3. “In the Fade,” [Queens of the Stone Age] R.
2. “Protect Me From What I Want,” [Placebo] Sleeping with Ghosts.
1. “We Float,” [PJ Harvey] Stories from the City…Stories from the Sea.