How Many Degrees Does It Take to Be a Professional Smart-Ass?

For those who know me – or have been following this blog for a while – you’ll recall how I’ve been gearing up for applying to grad school.  I have to admit, I’ve been dreading it.

The graduate school essay

The application fees

The GRE’s

(ESPECIALLY the GRE’s – me and standardized testing don’t play well together in the same sandbox, if you get my meaning).


Anyway, after months of searching for the right programs – and working up my nerve to apply – I finally got off my procrastinating ass, wrote a hefty application fee check, and applied to one school.

One school?

One school?

Anyone who’s applying to grad school these days is advised to submit a minimum of six and a maximum of twelve apps (unless it’s med or law school, then the numbers can be even more). Applying to one school is considered a waste of time and setting yourself up to fail.


Truth be told, there was only one school in the DC area I wanted to attend.  In my field, it’s considered one of the best in the country and, just as important for me, it’s right off the metro and the program doesn’t require the GRE if you’re GPA is a 3.0 or higher.

So, without further adieu, I am so happy to announce that I’ll be attending The Catholic University of America’s graduate program in social work.  I’m planning on going all the way to earn my doctorate.

It’s ironic and comical that I’m attending a Catholic university, considering I’m a Jewish Buddhist. But hey, I’m a enthusiastic supporter of all forms of affirnative action 😉

It’s also amusing that I’m planning a career as a therapist followed by a stint in academia, considering that I unceremoniously flunked out of college the first time around – thank you very much, first major depressive episode. Hard to stay in school when you’re barely able to leave your apartment or even shower for days. But enough happy time stories, boys and girls, ’cause Mama made up for her bad grades a long time ago…

Now, David thinks he’s something funny when he calls me Jew-Bu-Cat. I know, I know what a sense of humor…back off ladies, he’s all mine.

Anyway, just wanted to share the news with you. Oh, and here’s my self-congratulatory mix:

10. “Gonna Fly Now,” [Bill Conti] Rocky Original Motion Picture Soundtrack.

9. “Elementary, My Dear,” [Schoolhouse Rock] Schoolhouse Rock TV Show Songs.

8. “Learning to Fly,” [Pink Floyd] A Momentary Lapse of Reason.

7. “Don’t Stand So Close to Me,” [The Police] Zenyatta Mondatta.

6. “My Old School,” [Steely Dan] Aja.

5. “Smart Woman (In a Real Short Skirt),” [Jimmy Buffett] Hot Water.

4. “Catholic School Girls Rule,” [Red Hot Chili Peppers] Freaky Styley.

3. “Jigsaw Falling Into Place,” [Radiohead] In Rainbows.

2. “Therapy Boogie,” [The Therapy Sisters] Do Something.

1. “Trouble Me,” [10,000 Maniacs] Blind Man’s Zoo.




6 responses to “How Many Degrees Does It Take to Be a Professional Smart-Ass?

  1. CONGRATULATIONS! That is kick-ass.

  2. Thanks, sweetie…you’re a great support.

  3. A Doctorate? Wow, that is a lot of damn school. Good luck chickie!

  4. Unstoppable – Dr. Mix & Bitch has a certain ring to it.

  5. Congrats my friend – I just came across this – I’m catching up on your blog. I like Jew-bu-Cat. It suits you, you sexy thang.

    Seriously. I gotta hand it to you. YOu are a renaissance woman and you will be a doctor some day. Wowza. Being a therapist is your calling. Why do we only submit to our calling so late in life? Why do we have to go through so much shit to get to the good part?

    I’m really happy for you.

    BTW, you weren’t fooling me with that sorority reunion enthusiasm on Facebook . . . tee hee . . .

  6. Jew-Bu-Cat?
    david got me laughing out loud on that one…hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I came up with nine catholic shool girl outfit jokes so far…more to come..oh and to prepare, you need to watch the prequel to Cruel Intentions (worst movie ever made.)

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