Top 5 Ways to Make Mama Really Happy This Mother’s Day

fam_34.jpg Parent (someecards) image by coriander_smiyles

So that rad, hot chick you’ve been sleeping next to for more nights than you can remember also had the good graces to bear your devil’s spawn, and you’re wondering what to do to honor her properly this Mother’s Day?  Well, Ms. Mix & Bitch feels your pain about coming up with something original for Sunday, and is prepared to offer you some suggestions.

BTW, forget the flowers (they’re expensive, are bad Feng Shui, and die anyways), overpriced and overcrowded brunch buffets, or frankly anything pre-packaged as “perfect for Mother’s Day.” Give mama what she really  wants on this most holy of Hallmark-fabricated holidays (which doesn’t mean you can blow it off as a rebuff to corporate marketing culture, buddy):

fam_35.jpg Parent (someecards) image by coriander_smiyles

5.  Actually DO What She’s Been Nagging You to Do

Whether that means cleaning the house from top to bottom, or fixing everything that needs fixing, nothing gets a woman hotter than a man that takes care of business – without having to be asked. You may even get a happy ending out of this one, fellas…

 

fam_22.jpg Cute (someecards) image by coriander_smiyles

4. Take the Hint and Move Out

Here’s a little dirty secret…don’t get me wrong, we luv luv luv our kids. But on Mother’s Day it’s really not a break for us to go out on some family outing. That’s, well, like any other day for us.  So give her the gifts and cards in the morning, and give her a day off to do whatever she wants. If you’re a real prince, you’ve booked a full spa day for her and her favorite girlfriend…

3. She Gets One Freebie

Remember that episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” when Sheryl – for their 10th anniversary – gave Larry one freebie one-night-stand?  Well, if you’re one of those alternative couples, then consider giving her the weekend off to fuck whomever she wants…for most of us, completely unrealistic, but I figured I’d throw it out there anyhow 😉

2. Giving Up Something for Lent

I’m not Catholic, but I kinda think it’s cool how they give something up for lent for a certain amount of days – well, assuming it’s something truly precious to them.  So why not make a pledge to give up something for the month of May for her – something that REALLY makes her nuts. Suggestions? Here’s a few:

Your Playstations, X-Box, or Other Video Phallic Manipulatives

Whatever Disgusting Habit You’re Holding onto From Your Bachelor Days

The Remote

Looking at Other Women Right in Front of Us

Your Need to Be Right

 

thi_82.jpg someecards love flesh image by borahgrace

1. Sit Her Down and Either Write, Tell, or Blog about How She’s the Most Amazing, Fabulous Woman of Your Life.

And not just a few words, my clueless male friends…really spill and tell her everything you love, notice, appreciate about her. Make it long. Make it mushy. Make it real.

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