So that rad, hot chick you’ve been sleeping next to for more nights than you can remember also had the good graces to bear your devil’s spawn, and you’re wondering what to do to honor her properly this Mother’s Day? Well, Ms. Mix & Bitch feels your pain about coming up with something original for Sunday, and is prepared to offer you some suggestions.
BTW, forget the flowers (they’re expensive, are bad Feng Shui, and die anyways), overpriced and overcrowded brunch buffets, or frankly anything pre-packaged as “perfect for Mother’s Day.” Give mama what she really wants on this most holy of Hallmark-fabricated holidays (which doesn’t mean you can blow it off as a rebuff to corporate marketing culture, buddy):
5. Actually DO What She’s Been Nagging You to Do
Whether that means cleaning the house from top to bottom, or fixing everything that needs fixing, nothing gets a woman hotter than a man that takes care of business – without having to be asked. You may even get a happy ending out of this one, fellas…
4. Take the Hint and Move Out
Here’s a little dirty secret…don’t get me wrong, we luv luv luv our kids. But on Mother’s Day it’s really not a break for us to go out on some family outing. That’s, well, like any other day for us. So give her the gifts and cards in the morning, and give her a day off to do whatever she wants. If you’re a real prince, you’ve booked a full spa day for her and her favorite girlfriend…
3. She Gets One Freebie
Remember that episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” when Sheryl – for their 10th anniversary – gave Larry one freebie one-night-stand? Well, if you’re one of those alternative couples, then consider giving her the weekend off to fuck whomever she wants…for most of us, completely unrealistic, but I figured I’d throw it out there anyhow 😉
2. Giving Up Something for Lent
I’m not Catholic, but I kinda think it’s cool how they give something up for lent for a certain amount of days – well, assuming it’s something truly precious to them. So why not make a pledge to give up something for the month of May for her – something that REALLY makes her nuts. Suggestions? Here’s a few:
Your Playstations, X-Box, or Other Video Phallic Manipulatives
Whatever Disgusting Habit You’re Holding onto From Your Bachelor Days
Looking at Other Women Right in Front of Us
Your Need to Be Right
1. Sit Her Down and Either Write, Tell, or Blog about How She’s the Most Amazing, Fabulous Woman of Your Life.
And not just a few words, my clueless male friends…really spill and tell her everything you love, notice, appreciate about her. Make it long. Make it mushy. Make it real.