Ptolemy: The only other one we know of is an ancient Greek astronomer, mathematician, and man extraordinaire. Actress Gretchen Mol reached a little too far back in history for this Mediterranean-inspired choice. No one will be able to pronounce it, and what happens when the kid studies his namesake in school?
Magnus: Sounds too much like a prophylactic, volcanic matter, or a dated albeit then-popular Tom Selleck TV drama. Comic Kevin Nealon must be playing a joke on all of us with this choice.
E-: E…what? You’d think if you had to name your kid after a letter, Jay would be much better than this one, which was selected by parents in Washington. And while we’re (grudgingly) willing to accept the use of apostrophes in baby names, we can’t say the same for the hyphen. At least not when there isn’t any more name to follow it.
Story: Actress Jenna Elfman’s pick. It just doesn’t make sense and certainly won’t start a literary trend. Article, Essay, or Narrative, anyone? Every baby has a tale to tell, just not this way.
Ever: This is an adverb, not even an adjective or a noun, which do okay as names if you’re in a pinch. It’s going to get confusing when actress mom Milla Jovovich scolds the kid, “Ever, don’t ever do that again!”
Heaven Rain: The only good news here: Brooke Burke’s two older daughters are named Neriah and Sierra Sky. Though little Heaven’s got a pretty lofty title to live up to, she’ll fit right in at home.
Alabama: The trend of naming kids after locations obviously appealed to actress Drea De Matteo, but she’s not even from the Southern state. We do hope she’s going to be called Allie for short and turns out to be good at geography.
Princess: Every little girl is a princess to her parents, but it’s a secret nickname. It’s also a good name for a little fluffy white dog. Prince pulls off the male version because he’s a rock star, but this baby, daughter of model Jordan, is set to be spoiled. (Don’t get us started on Tiaamii, her middle name,…)
Evan: Don’t go ballistic: Evan is a great name…for a boy. We know many wonderful Evans. But in this case, Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder bestowed it on his baby girl. Sorry, it’s so not unisex.
Superman: No explanation necessary for why this New Zealand name made the list, but how about the story behind it? The parents’ first choice was 4Real (as in, “when we saw him on the ultrasound, we realized he was for real”), but government officials didn’t go for it. Mom and dad settled on Superman but insist they’ll still refer to him as 4Real. Way to get the last word in.
(Note from Ms. Mix & Bitch: Actually the all-time worst name I heard in 2007 isn’t even listed here. Some couple in Australia had the balls to name their son, Satan. Yeah, I know. How pretentious. Now everyone with a little shit for a kid’s gonna think they spawned the Prince of Darkness. As if.)