“Dear Ms. Mix and Bitch,
This is my first time writing in, so go easy on me, o.k? I’m a good looking, fit, and successful 48-year-old man. I have never been married and I don’t have any kids that I know of. I am used to dating young women, usually between 19 to 25 years old. I’ve always felt that I could get away with it because I look young for my age, and because I like a lot of the same activities they do (going to clubs, concerts, etc).
My relationships usually last about 6 months to a year. The problem is, I used to be the one that broke things off – but now I am finding (well, over the last three years) that I’m getting dumped. A lot. I’ve asked over and over what I’m doing wrong, and I either get told the standard bullshit line “It’s not you, it’s me,” or they met someone else.
I am not doing anything differently than before. So what gives?
Man, have you been reading my blog? Because if ya had, you’d know there’s no way I wasn’t going to flame you for this kind of a question.
There’s no way to break this to your little Peter Pan heart gently: you’re a cliche. You are – what my girlfriends and I would refer to as a “Big MAC” – a Big, Middle-Aged, Crazy. Those were the guys that would cruise my college campus at the University of Miami, in their souped-up convertibles, with shades on and bald spots glistening in the sun. The only girls who went out with them were the crashiest of gold diggers. And once they milked the guy for fancy dinners, trips, and bright glittery things, they’d move on to the next sugardaddy. I’m thinking this has been happening to you for longer than the three years, Kurt…it’s just that as you’re getting closer to 50, your boyish looks aren’t getting you as far as they did, and they’re dumping you faster now for younger sugardaddies.
Listen, I really don’t have a problem with the man or woman who finds themselves genuinely in love with someone much older or younger than themselves…but when it’s a pattern – and to the exclusion of anyone within 10 years of your own age, then it’s just ridiculous.
Getting older is inevitable…that doesn’t mean you have to wear wool cardigans and shuffle around in your slippers like an old fart. I actually think that being in touch with current pop culture, technology, etc., does help us stay young at heart. But there’s a balance missing with you…and perhaps now’s the time to try to find it.
Frankly, there are so many smoking women in their forties these days, you’ll be fighting off the younger guys for them too…
If you can’t seem to stomach women closer to your own age, then just pray that you find some young, mess-of-a-girl with a Daddy complex.
10. “Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar),” [The Doors] The Doors.
9. “You and I are a Gang of Losers,” [Gang of Losers] The Dears.
8. “Who was I Kidding?” [Martha Wainwright] Martha Wainwright.
7. “When You’re Older,” [Fate is the Hunter] Kate Earl.
6. “Boy with a Coin,” [The Shepherd’s Dog] Iron & Wine.
5. “Every Time I Try,” [She Haunts My Dreams] Spain.
4. “Girl,” [Guero] Beck.
3. “Just a Boy,” [Puzzles Like You] Mojave 3.
2. “You Don’t Have to Be Afraid,” [Until We Felt Red] Kaki King.
1. “Attainable Love,” [Christine Lavin] Christine Lavin.