Lions and Tigers and Bears – Oh My!

Wild Animals

“Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now, and couldn’t help but notice that you’re willing to tackle pretty much anything – including fetishes. I don’t like to be tied up and I’m not into feet. I don’t even know if what I’m into is considered a fetish.  I like watching films with animals having sex, preferably larger beasts, such as lions or horses. I don’t play around with animals directly (not into beastiality at all). I just really get turned on by those wildlife documentaries.  I can get aroused without them, and they don’t interfere with my life, although my girlfriend thinks it’s weird. What do you think?

Signed,  Animal Magnetism”

Folks, I swear I don’t make this stuff up. Here it goes…

 Dear Animal,

Well, I guess you bring the term “animal lover” to a whole other level now.  So, you want to know if your (literal) love of nature in all its backdoor humping glory is a fetish.  The answer is yes and no. Yes, it’s a fetish because you desire something specific and somewhat inanimate to get off. However, I also say no, if you were to go strictly by the DSM-IV guide of what is fetishism – because it doesn’t interfere with your productivity or interpersonal relationships.  Plus, you’re not raping Fido – that’s a plus in your favor. Good boy.

Is it weird, like you girlfriend seems to think? Well, sexuality is weird, when you think about it. What turns us on or off is a fairly wide continuum, with few things falling in either direction. So my short answer is – don’t worry about it. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has their own thing that jacks them off harder and faster than anything else going. It’s the nature of the beast. Ha-ha.

 Sorry, couldn’t help it. And I guess I should apologize for the mix too – because I am poking some friendly fun at you there too.

1. “A Horse with No Name,” America. [America]

1. “The Animals Were Gone,” Damien Rice. [9]

2. “Beast of Burden,” The Rolling Stones. [Some Girls]

3. “Hot Dog,” Led Zepplin. [In Through the Out Door]

4. “Pigs On the Wing 1,” Pink Floyd. [Animals]

5. “Dogs,” Pink Floyd. [Animals]

6. “Pigs (Three Different Ones),” Pink Floyd. [Animals]

7. “Sheep,” Pink Floyd. [Animals]

8. Pigs on the Wing 2,” Pink Floyd. [Animals]

 

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7 responses to “Lions and Tigers and Bears – Oh My!

  1. ummm..this is great stuff, and i hate to do this, but the unicorn song just might send this reader into a paroxysm of sexual bliss, and i thought that might be a good addition to your mix
    http://www.thebards.net/music/lyrics/The_Unicorn_Song.shtml

  2. Good call. Consider it part of the animal jack-off cannon.

  3. Whoa…you really do get some weird ones. Are there any questions you WON’T answer?

  4. His girlfreind should be thankful that he doesn’t ask her to dress up like that girl you’ve got pictured on your blog.

    That must have taken hours to put together.

  5. Interesting stuff, Ms. Mix and Bitch. Do people really send you all these fucked up questions? Or do you embellish just a little bit?

  6. To Dom: Yes, there are many questions I get that I don’t answer.

    To Yasmin: And we thought putting on our make-up on was such a chore everyday, huh?

    To John: Nope, I don’t have to embellish at all. Fact is always funnier than fiction.

    Thanks for the comments – keep reading!

  7. Pingback: my 1983 : watch me pull a barrel of oil out of this hat

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