Really Happy Feet

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

I have been reading your blog and I think you’re cool. I really liked how you admitted to liking music that sucks. So I felt I could write in and tell you about this thing that’s kinda taking over. I am into women’s pretty feet. I have ever since I can remember. I never thought anything about it. I figured it was just what I was into. But now I think it’s getting out of control, because I surf the net as much as I can, looking for new pretty feet. I even skip going out to lunch with my friends at work, so I can stay online and keeping looking. I can’t wait to get home so I can watch a foot fetish film, or look through one of my magazines. It’s the only way I can get hard. It’s kinda taking over my life – and there’s a part of it that’s not as much fun anymore because of it. I know I need to go to a counselor, but are they really able to handle something like this?

Signed,

“Greg”

Dear Greg,

Yep, my foot-fancying-friend, you’re under the spell of classic foot fetishism. The DSM-IV Guide considers this particular ailment a sexual disorder. On the site www.allpsych.com, the following explanation is given:

“Fetishism is characterized by either intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors in which the individual uses a nonliving object (e.g., woman’s high heeled shoe, stockings) in a sexual manner. Typically, the individual requires this object to become sexually aroused and is therefore unable to be aroused without it. To be considered diagnosable, the fantasies, urges, or behaviors must cause significant distress in the individual or be disruptive to his or her everyday functioning.”

So I’d say you qualify, buddy. And you’re right to try to get some help – and you’re also correct that many counselors may not know how to treat such particular dysfunction. You need to find a therapist that sub-specializes in sexual disorders (www.findatherapist.com). Desensitization therapy has proven to be highly effective in treating fetishes-gone-wild – basically “reassigning” the way your brain processes pleasure, helping to break the bonking cycle by pairing unpleasant images with pictures of your currently beloved happy feet. It works. Just find a therapist you really trust, otherwise nothing will work.

So here’s your personalized freaky feet mix – a last “fix” before your own personal rehab:

1.  “To Hold Your Tiny Toes,” Mojave 3 [Puzzles Like You]

2.  “Bubble Toes,” Jack Johnson. [Bushfire Fairytales]

3.  “Sugarfoot,” The Wallflowers. [The Wallflowers]

4.  “Mama, I’m Strange,” Melissa Etheridge. [Breakdown]

5.   “Stink Foot,” Frank Zappa. [Apostrophe]

6.  “People are Strange,” The Doors. [Strange Days]

7.  “Heels,” Disco Volante. [Cinerama]

8.  “Get on the Gold Foot,” James Brown. [James Brown’s Greatest Hits]

9.  “Computer Blue,” Prince. [Purple Rain Original Motion Picture Soundtrack]

10.  “Pause for Porno,” Dr Dre. [Dr. Dre 2001]

I know, I know – it’s a very literal music mix interpretation. So sue me.

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13 responses to “Really Happy Feet

  1. Most people have feet, so of any fetish to have, at least it’s not one where it completely limits your ability to find a partner.

  2. True, but when your fetish prevents you from:

    (1) getting any work done, or

    (2) going out with friends, or

    (3) the only way to get off

    then that constitutes a problem in my book. Personally, I can’t stand feet. But to each his or her own, right?

  3. Oh I agree it’s a problem, didn’t mean to sound like I was dismissing his obvious frustration or that this is something he should seek some help with. And yeah … totally with you on feet. Cannot stand them. I get very uncomfortable when people are walking around in bare feet. I don’t get it, but yeah I’m sure there are plenty of preferences of mine that are weird to some people (weird people).

  4. No offense taken 🙂

    I love a healthy debate for its own sake – if you haven’t guessed already.

  5. Not sure if Greg’s still reading, but I wanted to get something out there. Foot fetishist = man who will give unlimited foot rubs, and doesn’t mind shoe shopping. Greg, find a woman who is, if not into your fetish, able to be indulge it on at least those terms.

    Once you are experiencing your taste as part of something you enjoy with an actual person, you may find that you ease up a bit.

    I don’t know that I’d seek desensitization therapy, since this is a very mild fetish that can bring a couple a lot of pleasure.

    You just need a bit of perspective.

  6. I’m still reading, Violet. I appreciate your kind words. Yep, a real woman would be good for me at this point.

    Got a friend?

  7. I never thought I had a fetish, but since I’ve come back to your blog a million times just to see the picture of the feet you have, I guess I am guilt as charged.

    Those wouldn’t happen to be your feet? Yes? Or no?

    Really hope they are!

  8. Oh, so YOU’RE the one pushing my numbers through the roof. I was wondering how I went from, like 100 views a day, to several thousand. Thanks!

    But I hate to burst your bubble, but they’re not my feet. Although I do have very pretty ones.

  9. Of all the fetishes to have – this would be the one. An ex of mine had one, though it didn’t prevent him from social functions. Frequent foot rubs and foot kisses, lots of shoes as gifts, foot washing. . . well you get the picture. Someday Greg will find someone who appreciates having their feet admired!

  10. oh i am finding myself always sexually switched by female feet and sandals. with this particular image i stayed for long hours just enjpying that art and beauty . please tell me truely if i am mistaken , i need to know whom does these happy feet belongs to , and are these sandals are still on, can i have them sent to me???????

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  12. You see what I have to put up with people?

    NO…I don’t know where you can get these sandals.

    Judging by the look of them, go to Payless.

    You Could Pay More – and You Should…

  13. such a simple pleasure when you work standing all day! i would love to find a partner who would give me foot rubs – leg rubs = etc.

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