“Craigslist is My Dealer”

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“Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

I’m a 28-year-old guy and I think I may be addicted to the “Casual Encounters” section of Craigslist.org. I can’t seem to get enough of it. I like the excitement, the spontaneity, well, EVERYTHING. I guess I am writing because it has gotten to the point where I don’t really enjoy “regular” dating anymore. It feels too staid and conventional – and I don’t get the same rush out of it as I do with the girls I meet online. I feel weird because on one hand, I want the rush of these casual encounters, but I also wish I had a girlfriend. What do you think?

Signed –

The Craigster”

Jesus, I am not starting off this response with “Dear Craigster.” You’ve got to be kidding me with that noise. Did you make that up yourself? I hope you don’t sign your cas encounter responses with that – God knows what’ll turn up at your door if you do.

Anyway hot stuff, this is what I think. I believe people can get addicted to anything and, in your case, this is your drug of choice: casual sex. I know sex addiction got a lot of play back when Eric Benet got caught with his hand in the skanky cookie jar while married to Halle Berry (yeah, we’re all still scratching our heads on that one). But it is a real problem. I can’t say for sure if that’s what going on with you – you didn’t give me a lot of info to go on – so here’s a survey I swiped off of www.sexaddictionhelp.com . If you answer “yes” to 15 questions or more, chances are, you need some help – look for my answers in parentheses. That way, you won’t feel so weird about it. I’m such a giver. Give, give, give…that’s all I do – oh, and you get a survey instead of a music mix this time. Sorry – not feeling well today.

Oh and PS – whether or not you classify, get some counseling regardless. Being in love AND having hot sex makes life worth savoring. I’d hate to see you miss it because you live your life like a porn video.

YES NO    
    1. Do you frequently fantasize or think about sex? (um, YEAH)
    2. Have you made promises to yourself or others to change or stop some of your sexual behavior, and then broken these promises? (“yes honey, I promise to stop masturbating to the thought of your hot boss riding me like a bullet train”)
    3. Does your sexual desire cause you to associate with people you wouldn’t normally be with or do things you wouldn’t usually do? (two word: college years)
    4. Has frequenting sex sites on the internet for sexual stimulation become a habit for you? (that’s a good Friday night right there)
    5. Do you frequently engage in sexual chat in sexually oriented chat rooms on the internet? (Nope, can’t type and jerk off at the same time)
    6. Is masturbation a frequent activity for you? (I’ve been married for over 10 years, so yes)
    7. Do you have or have you had an extensive collection of pornography or other X-rated material? (just the stuff granny left me in her will)
    8. Have you gotten rid of a pornography collection and then started collecting it again?(Once again, blame it on granny!)
    9. Do you with some regularity rent (or buy or make your own) X-rated videos? (I like to call it “independent suburban film art”)
    10. Do you like to “channel cruise” on TV to find sexually stimulating scenes, or do you subscribe to cable in order to view sexually explicit programs? Or do you stare at scrambled (blocked) sex channels for the occasional fragments of clear images of sexual material? (that could classify my entire year in seventh grade)
    11. Are you attracted to phone sex? (I can’t fit the whole phone piece in there – damm that tight spot!)
    12. Do you frequent topless clubs? (They want me to get my boobs done first – breastfeeding just kills them and don’t believe any differently)
    13. Do you frequent modeling studios for sex? (you mean I can watch people do it for free?)
    14. Do you go to massage businesses where you are able to obtain sexual massages? (No, but I’d go in a heartbeat)
    15. Do you frequent adult bookstores for sexual excitement or sexual activity? (Yep, Barnes and Nobles is too much of a pick up scene for me, so I go over to Slick Willie’s Videos on 7th Street for some quiet “me” time)
    16. Do you frequent, or have you frequented X-rated movie theatres? (I’m too lazy to pull my pants up from my living room floor)
    17. Do you frequent other sexually-oriented businesses? (just tell me where and when honey pie)
    18. Does your regular sex partner frequently complain about the amount of sex or the type of sex you desire with him or her? If you really think about it, could your demands of your partner be excessive or outside normal limits? Or, do you suspect that your regular sex partner submits to your requests that may be excessive but doesn’t tell you? (He’s just glad to be there)
    19. Have you violated your marriage or other relationship by having sex or affairs with others? (But Mom, everyone ELSE was doing it!)
    20. Are you especially excited by sexual behavior that includes a risk of being caught? (As long as it’s not by my kids – I’m going to have to pay a shitload for their therapy as it is)
    21. Do you get a sexual thrill from exposing your private body parts to unsuspecting onlookers? (I lived in New Orleans for three years – what do YOU think?)
    22. Do you have a habit of trying to get forbidden looks at people that give you sexual excitement? (I’m a blonde woman with green eyes and a heart-shaped ass – that’s an everyday thing for me on the Metro)
    23. Is anonymous sex with others a frequent indulgence you seek, or one you periodically return to? (It’s one I fantasize about way too often)
    24. Do you take advantage of opportunities to touch people sexually that you find attractive by touching them in a way that makes it seem accidental? (I’m too ungraceful for such maneuvers)
    25. Are you an adult who engages in sexual activity with children? (Nothing can make this one funny)
    26. Are you an adult who forces other adults to have sex with you against their will? (Again, nothing funny)
    27. Have you been, or could you be arrested because of some of your sexual behavior? (Yeah by my clit for aggravated assault)
    28. Does some of your sexual activity cause you to have a secret life hidden from significant others? (Man, the world in the head…)
    29. Does your sexual behavior or fantasy sometimes make you feel hopeless or depressed? (Not after I’m finished)
    30. Have you been told by someone that your sexual behavior is excessive, inappropriate, or out of control? (Only by the little fighting angels and demons on my shoulders)

 

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