From Ms. Mix & Bitch: Many of the questions I am getting revolve around a couple of themes. So in the interest of brevity – and not looking like a one-or-two-issue themed site, I am picking one question for each “theme” and rolling with it. Hopefully, all of you who sent in questions regarding this particular topic will feel addressed by the following. Enjoy…
Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,
I am a 28-year-old attractive lesbian that has been with the same woman for about two years now. Recently she’s been wanting to become more experimental with our sex life – which has always been fine with me – until now. She’s really getting into the BDSM scene and wants me to go along for the ride. At first, I thought it was kinda fun – I didn’t mind being tied up and spanked. But then “Lori” started bringing home bondage videos and magazines. I finally gave in and went to a club with her, where of course I was the submissive. Then, it started getting too freaky for me. Being tied up for what seemed hours at a time, being ordered to be with other women…and really, the look in her eyes scares the shit out of me. It’s menacing, even a bit evil. She’s always had a nasty side to her, but now I feel it’s taking over. She tells me I just need to get used to it – to “let go.” I don’t know, is she right?
Tied Up in Knots”
Dear Tied Up in Knots,
O.k. ladies out there…I’m starting to see a really crappy pattern here. That pattern being you speaking up for yourselves, being ignored/cajoled by your partners, then asking if it’s your issue. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO ‘NO’ MEANING ‘NO?’ Gavin DeBecker wrote an incredible book called “The Gift of Fear,” which basically stated in a nutshell that we are all instinctual beings, but women are told to ignore their true needs and hunces because they are afraid of “not being nice.” Not listening to your gut can get you into a LOT of trouble – both physically and emotionally.
Oh and by the way, from what I’ve heard, the absolute fundamental principle of the BDSM community is establishing trust and boundaries so that participants – whether dominant OR submissive – feel safe. That’s why there are cue words so that people can let their fellow fuck bunnies know when they’ve gone too far. So it seems just based on that alone, Lori is seriously violating you.
Time to cut this dom bitch loose.
1. “…Until We Felt Red,” Kaki King […Until We Felt Red]
2. “1905-04-15” Dykehouse [The Rorscharch Suite]
3. “American Woman,” The Guess Who [American Woman]
4. “Black-Eyed Susan,” Laura Veirs [The Triumphs and Travails of Orphan Mae]
5. “Bled White,” Elliott Smith [XO]
6. “Wave of Mutilation,” Grant-Lee Phillips [Nineteeneighties]
7. “The Sound of Fear,” Eels [Daisies of the Galaxies]
8. “The Infinite Pet,” Spoon [Gimme Fiction]
9. “Terrible Lie,” Nine Inch Nails [Pretty Hate Machine]
10. “Sweet Revenge,” Bangs [Sweet Revenge]