Three’s Company – and Then a Crowd…

“Hello, M&B…where do I start? My situation is messed up. My boyfriend and I have been together for about eight months. Everything was going fine for me until recently when we hooked up with a girlfriend of mine for the night.  I’ve never done that before – sleep with a girl, nevermine a threesome. I thought it was fun enough, but I want it to be back to just me and my boyfriend. Because now my friend Kellie hangs around us all the time and Dan encourages it. They’d like for me to do it again – but I don’t want to make this a regular thing. In fact, I suspect they may have hooked up while I am not around.  I told Dan I want it to be “just US” and he says it is, but it sure doesn’t feel like it. What do I do?” 

Signed, Third Wheel

Dear Third Wheel,

Well, not to sound like a downer, but if you suspect they’re fucking behind your back – the chance is they probably are.  You’ve opened up a pandora’s box here, third wheel, one not easily shut.  Monogomy is like democracy – it’s a lousy system, but it’s the best one we’ve got (paraphrased from Winston Churchill for all you fellow historian geeks out there). I know polyamory is getting more popular in mainstream press – probably more for its titulating factor rather than for actually reflecting most people’s reality – but you’ve got to be made of some pretty strong stuff in order to genuinely handle a partnership of equals amongst more than two people. I don’t think that’s what is going on here. I think you’re dating an insensitive asshole that wants to continue his porn fantasy at the cost of your feelings. He’s not listening to what you really want, so not much of a boyfriend if you ask me.  What was a one-night experimentation for you may actually turn out to be a lifestyle choice for Dan – and for can’t-take-a-hint-Kellie. Sorry to break this to you, but it sounds as if you need a new guy – and that they deserve each other.

 1. “3-Shy-Cubs,”Holopaw. [Quit +/or Fight]

2. “3eme Sexe,” Miss Kitten. [Sounds French!]

3. “A Gentle Dissolve,” Thievery Corporation. [The Cosmic Game]

4. “Aftershock and Afterthought,” Small Sails. [The Rorschach Suite]

5. “Am I Just One,” Carey Ott. [Lucid Dream]

6. “Bedroom Eyes,” Laura Veirs. [Troubled By the Fire]

7. “Cloud in Your Sky,” Without Gravity. [Tenderfoot]

8. “Emergency Exit,” Beck. [Guero]

9. “Goodbye Forever,” Alkaline Trio. [Alkaline Trio]





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