“Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,
I guess to understand my problem, there’s a couple of things you need to know about me. I was always the girl that broke up with the guy. In high school, in college…I never stayed with anyone longer than six months, and I was always the one ready to leave way before the guy. To tell you the truth, I got off on being the heart-breaker. In fact, I have “heart-breaker” tattooed on my lower back. But now I feel like I’m being punished or something. I was going out with my boyfriend for over a year – a record for me – and was really in love for the first time at twenty-three years old. I have never been so happy. I thought that Josh was the one. However, last month, he broke up with me and I’m completely devastated. He told me that he loved me still, but wasn’t ready to be as serious as we were. I keep hoping he’ll change his mind – but of course, my friends have told me he’s out all the time, flirting with girls, the whole thing. I can barely get out of bed every morning to go to work. Everyone keeps telling me to just give it time, but it feels as if it’s getting worse – not better. What if this is it for me?”
Well, your friends are right…it does take time to heal a broken heart. The age-old formula is: take however long you dated someone and expect it to take double that time to get over them. Not comforting, I know. And that’s the point right now. It’s only been a month and you are mourning the loss of a very important relationship. I’m a big believer in wallowing in your own misery for a time. Unfortunately for you, you’ve coasted through your formative years without having to develop any coping strategies for a broken heart. Instead, you kept your emotional distance and toyed with this heart-breaker persona.
However, let’s take out the gold stars for your personal growth chart for letting your guard down long enough to really fall in love, and stay with someone for over a year. It’s a sincerely commendable start – shows you are beginning to grow up. Also I give your ex credit for breaking up with you in an honest manner. It doesn’t always go down like that my friend. Trust me. So, that’s another sticker for you for falling for a guy with some integrity. He left, instead of screwing around behind your back.
Ok., so how to get over a broken heart? For me, I let myself lick my wounds for a little while – and although I still grieved the loss of the relationship – I forced myself to go out with friends, get busy with activities I loved, and just took the time to do whatever it is I wanted to do. You’re young, single, without having to be responsible for anyone but yourself. I personally wouldn’t re-live my twenties for a mint of money…but I do miss being able to put myself first the majority of the time.
And while you don’t want to jump into another relationship too soon, there’s nothing like the endorphin rush of meeting someone new. This is the time of your life to be with different kinds of people. If you are in the frame of mind of finding a more serious relationship, most people will say you find someone when you’re not looking. I actually disagree with that adage. I think you meet someone really worthwhile when you not “on the prowl” – so to speak – but are still open to whatever the universe brings your way. For example, go out on that blind date your friend has always wanted to set you up with. Date the guy that’s usually “not your type.” Who knows….the love of your life may be that fab guy friend you’ve been hanging around with for years, but never thought about “in that way.” It’ll be good again, Claire. As you’ve heard before…give it time.
This mix starts off in your current state of mind, and will hopefully take you to your “happy place.”
1. “Hurt,” Johnny Cash. [American IV]
2. “Crying” k.d. lang. [Live By Request]
3. “Inconsolable,” Jonatha Brooke and The Story. [Plumb]
4. “Did That,” Lisa Loeb. [Hello Lisa]
5. “Everything’ll Be Alright (Will’s Lullaby),” Joshua Radin. [We Were Here]
6. “Going Out,” The Perishers. [Let There Be Morning]
7. “Got My Own Thing,” Liz Phair. [Somebody’s Miracle]
8. “Hard Bargain,” Ron Sexsmith. [Retriever]
9. “I Wanna Roo You (Scottish Derivative),” Van Morrison. [Tupelo Honey]
10. “Crosses,” Jose Gonzalez. [Veneer]