Closed for Repairs

Hello MixTapers

Over the next few weeks, I will be revamping my lil’ corner of cyberspace here, in order to bring you a more fabulous, user-friendly music-mixing, advice blog.  For those of you who have sent me questions, be patient. I promise to get to you shortly after the renovations.

Thanks,

Ms. Mix & Bitch

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

 

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

My dilemma is this: I’m a woman in my mid 20’s and I’m in love with one of my best friends, he of course isn’t aware of this. Our situation is rather a long and at times complicated story. About 2 1/2 years ago me and “Brad” started sleeping together, eventually I told him of my desire for a relationship, which he felt at the time wouldn’t work. (Mostly due to the fact that I had ended a long relationship a few months prior to this with a good friend of his and he felt conflicted about that.) We did continue sleeping together off and on for the next few months however until I began a relationship with someone else. This I later acknowledged was to get over Brad, which in reality failed miserably, when I realized about a year into that relationship that I still had very strong feelings for him. Before I ended that relationship (which I had been wanting to do for a long time before I got the guts to), he had told me of a change of heart he had regarding us, and told me that if I was single that he would be willing to try a real relationship with me.

So once I was single again I was thrilled at the prospect of having what I’d wanted for so long. Then of course the doubt crept in. I kept going back and forth if I thought he still felt the same way, so I of course kept silent and didn’t risk my feelings getting hurt again. Then many months later, I was finally able to confess my feelings once more. But this time he told me that things had changed, and he didn’t feel he could be in a relationship with anyone (he told me that he had too many of his own emotional issues to deal with)

 I respect his decision, but this leaves me very hurt of course. I care for him deeply, we get along great together, and he’s one of the few people I can open up to about certain things (except the most important apparently). What this whole saga has been leading to is the question of how can I get over someone that I’m close friends with? We share the same very tight knit group of friends, so cutting him out of my life isn’t even remotely an option and I wouldn’t want to do anyway since I value his friendship very much. I talk to him almost every day, and hang out together with our friends almost every weekend. And to add some more of my craziness into this, in a way I feel like I’m half of one those TV couples that everyone wants to get together, but due to various complications or misunderstandings they don’t or they just take a long time to get there (like Jim and Pam on The Office for example). So in a way, I don’t want to get over these feelings at all, I just want that time to come when things mesh for both us, which may never even happen!

So please, any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated!

Signed,

Crazy in love

Dear Crazy,

And no, I don’t think you’re crazy.  I think you are in a situation that all of us find ourselves in at one time or another. 

Want my peel-off-the-Band-Aid-quick, get right to it response?  Pull a Sally Albright. 

Meg Ryan as Sally Albright in “When Harry Met Sally”

Since you’re in your mid-twenties, I’m going to assume you haven’t seen this lil’ gem.  Basically, Harry and Sally are two friends – the best of friends actually – then, they sleep together.  And it turns everything upside down because Harry thinks it was a mistake and Sally, well…she wants more, but doesn’t want to have to “beg” him to think of her in that way. 

So, you know what she does?

She has enough self-respect to believe she’s worth more than either “friends with benefits” or to just remain friends (without sex) with someone she’s in love with…why? Because it would hurt her too much.  So she pulls away, and it kills both of them to be apart. But she sticks to her guns…and eventually, he gets over himself and his bullshit enough and they fall in love, get married – the whole shebang…

The only way it’s acceptable, as far as I’m concerned, for you two to remain friends at this point is if you fall out of love with him and are actually rooting for him to find love with another.  Are you there yet? Not even close? Then I promise you…whatever benefit you get from keeping you two in the “friends” category hurts you much more than it helps you. 

Let him know your feelings haven’t changed…and that you want it to be you and him.  However, if he still doesn’t want a relationship with you, that’s the way it goes, but then you must protect yourself – BE GOOD TO YOURSELF – and say good-bye.  Now, since you travel in the same circles, “good-bye” in this case means you don’t avoid running into each other, but you don’t talk everyday on the phone, and you don’t cozy up to each other when out with your friends.  You’re civil, kind – but not chummy.  Why? Because he doesn’t get the gift of your friendship when you’re trying to get over him. And then, Ms. Crazy in Love, be strong enough to hold to it…can you do that? Because by gambling on yourself, one of two things are going to happen:

(1) Brad’s going to miss you enough to want you for himself, or

(2) He’s not, and then you know where he stands once and for all, which will eventually free your heart to move on.

Easier said than done, I know…but the alternative is living in limbo indefinitely. And that’s not any way to live, honey. And by the way, might be a good time to find some other friends to hang with, in addition to your current group.

Ain’t it Good to Know You Got a Friend? Or Not.

Dr. Ms. Mix and Bitch,

I moved to the City two years ago and have only developed vague friendships. Early on, I met a very gregarious guy who has introduced me to his friends and friends he’s made since we’ve been together. All of my quasi-friendships are with people he’s met and brought into our lives. They are all nice people and we seem to get along, but I have yet to establish myself beyond being Great Guy’s Girlfriend with anyone.

This has caused tension within an otherwise great relationship. Boyfriend feels the pressure of making friends for me and I don’t hang out with anyone else unless he’s around, so I’m either with Boyfriend or by myself. I know it’s a two-way street and I have made (albeit, small) gestures to those I’ve hit it off with, but they don’t seem receptive. It’s always a battle to make play dates and I’ve pretty much given up.

I’m starting to feel super-isolated and concerned for my mental health. I shouldn’t depend on Boyfriend to fulfill every relationship aspect humans crave. My best female friend lives across the country and I haven’t seen her in a year. I miss girl friendships very much, but have no idea how to start one. Never in my life have I been approached by a friendly stranger and I couldn’t imagine doing it to someone.  I am out-and-about the City all the time, but everyone remains a stranger. So, how do I begin? Part of me wants to meet people completely separate from the Boyfriend’s circle so I can really establish myself as an individual. Boyfriend hangs out with friends by himself a lot, so now I feel a competitive edge to finding a friendship. I know where to meet people, but I guess it simply boils down to: How?

Thanks for any advice,

I Got the Great Relationship, How About a Great Friendship?

Dear Great Girl,

It’s tough when you team up with a Golden Boy, ain’t it?  Half the time you’re trying to enjoy your relationship and the other half  just trying to keep up.  So, here’s a suggestion:

Don’t.

Because he’s King of the Social Butterflies and that’s obviously not in your nature.  Doesn’t mean you don’t try to branch out, but here’s the kicker darlin’…the more you try to “make friends” the more likely you won’t find them. Why? Because loneliness is the bug repellent of relationships  my friend…it guarantees anything worthwhile will flee from the stink.  The ultimate pickle of a situation, huh kid. So, what to do?

Take it from a gypsy that’s moved from town to town for years…the key is to get involved in a cause or class or some organized group activity that suits YOUR interests.  Get involved – get outside yourself and your own head.  And through the time you spend doing something you love, you will eventually find some kindred souls.  But remember, it takes time…and takes effort from you. Social skills are an acquired ability, sweetie.  In fact, they are a lost art form.

The bottom line for your boyfriend is probably him not wanting to feel emotionally responsible for you.  He wants to know you’re enough of your own woman that he doesn’t need to worry about your mental health.  And you know, that’s a fair point.  The tricks are remembering these:

*  Friendships are like good, plump, ripe fruit – the best grow organically and slowly over time.

*  The best way to even ensure friendships can grow is to be the most interesting hang you can be,

* Friendships are like romantic relationships…ask them all about themselves and they’ll think YOUR fascinating.

Good luck Ms. Shyness.  The world is waiting for you.

Sorry, no mix today, sweetums…

There’s No Place Like Home: and That’s Not Always a Good Thing.

Forgot to mention that as of today, and for the next week, I’m back in Miami.

For those of you who haven’t followed this blog for a while, I grew up in  South Florida, which for someone like me was fraught with inherent incompatabilities.

While I love the view of the ocean, I hate going to the beach and think I look ‘common’ with a tan.

My life’s entertainment has never begun nor ended with a mall.

I’ve never done any hard drugs.

And I actually think people of different cultures and ethnicities should mix together, and not run further up the coast the minute someone with a native tan moves into their neighborhood.

Oh, and one more thing…neon should never be a decorative element for one’s home or car. Period.

Now, admittedly, I haven’t been back here for many years, so perhaps the aforementioned observations have ameliorated into more nostalgia than facts. We’ll see. Meanwhile, I’m here for the week, but considering I’m in town for a Bar Mitzvah (wow, can we get even more cliché  around here?) and to see family, I’ll probably continue blogging anyways.  Because I’m not so much abouth the one-on-one like I used to be.

Worth mentioning a major positive I recalled the minute I got off the plane: I’m def grooving on the weather. Left DC with temps in the teens, and emerged into the Florida evening with temps in the high 60s. Perfection.

Of course, my mother-in-law complained she was freezing, so I guess some things never change

Until further notice, kids.

Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Growing Pet Peeves of 2009

Believe it or not, I’m the kind of person who likes to let the little things go.  Holding onto grudges – or petty annoyances – is not just a waste of time, but cause even more of those friggin lil’ lines around the eyes. And who needs that, right?

O.k., that said, there’s already been a couple of, how shall we say it, incidences  in 2009 that are already getting under my skin.

5. The Return of 80s Fashion

Ok, I realize that this started last year, but the trend seems to be like the hacking cough in your lungs that won’t go away.

Now that I’m back in grad school at Catholic University in DC, I get to see how the kids are hanging their threads these days.  And what I see just breaks my heart and blows my mind. 

Because folks, I lived through the 80s.  I remember the day-glo spandex pants, the flashdance off-the-shoulder sweater tops, and the T-shirts from Frankie telling us to RELAX already.  I didn’t have a choice. I was sixteen and stupid. 

But the young people of today DO have a choice. So why in the Devil’s good name are they wearing that crap? I don’t have a clue, and frankly, I find the return of 80s fashion just as disturbing as the popularity of The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus.  In fact, all these things together represent the milleau that was the vacuous, Disneyfied, bubble gum pop scene of the 80s. And now it’s back again, like a herpes virus on the schlong, and just as frightening. Please just wake me up when it’s over.

4. The Return of “The Bachelor,” “Desperate Housewives,” and “American Idol.”

I have no problem with guilty pleasures.  I have many of my own.  In fact, I used to watch a litany of them on the Bravo Channel.  But enough’s enough already.

I mean, how many times can I watch a bunch of women shame our gender, in ways that – in my view – should take the pressure off porn, wear gawdy pastels over orange leather skin, and spending wallops of money on overindulgent crap?

How many more occasions do I have to see women prostitute themselves in front of some dickweed in order to get a ring and a proposal he’s never going to close on anyways?  Now there’s a little boy involved in the mix.  Oh great, can you imagine that parent night?

 ”That’s right Ms. Longshot, Daddy won Mommy in a TV game show! Which one of these 3rd grade bitches can I get?” 

3. People Looking at Pictures of Me in My 20’s and Saying, “Wow, That was YOU?”

(To answer your question…uh no, I never looked liked this. But you get the idea)

 

Yeah, I get it. I was a hottie. And guess what jerk offs, I don’t need your little comments to jar that back into my memory. I get a bird’s eye view everyday in the mirror.

That’s what happens when you gain too much weight from childbirth and previous depressions.

The good news is, this one’s completely in my control and 2009 is going to be my “Return of the Uber Me.”

I’ll post pictures and give you my progress along this oh-so-humiliating journey. Why? Because for years I’ve encouraged people to write in their most private issues in order for me to offer advice and a quick jab to the proverbial ribs. Now, it’s my turn to work on something that’s been bothering me for a while now.

I look forward to you calling me on my bullshit and offering me whatever support you can.

2. Being Called “Ma’am.”

(People, I am this close from becoming Patsy Stone from Absolutely Fabulous. And not in a good way.)

True story…

Yesterday, I’m standing in line at the Starbucks on campus, when the gal behind the counter says, “Can I help you miss (looks me up and down), uh, I mean, ma’am?”

OH MY GOD KILL ME NOW!

I felt like Patsy when the help in France would call her “madame” and she would shriek back, “It’s MADEMOISELLE, you little shit. MADEMOISELLE! Ah buggers, just PISS OFF!”

Guess what there cupie doll? No tip for you.

1.  My Hit Numbers Aren’t Growing

No, this is NOT my blog stats…

I wish I had numbers in the 30,000-60,000 range.

So do me a favor. You like the blog? Tell your friends. Add me to your blog roll. And just to show you I’m not greedy, my goal is to average between 3,000-6,000 hits a day by Spring. I’ll do my part and offer more material.

And an added bonus – whomever offers the most referrals will get a prize. Really.

Coming up this week…

Belated Album Reviews of 2008 and What to Look Forward to in 2009

Problem of the Week: How a Tranny Can Look More Feminine.

and…

Caren’s Fat Ass Progress Report

 

Girl Can’t Help, She Needs More…

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

I am becoming my own worst nightmare. I’ve been happily married for 10 years to an amazing man.  His attributes are long, and I consider myself a lucky woman.  The problem is we have different sex drives.  It seems like I want it all the time, and him, well, rarely.  We’re both just over 40 and maybe have sex once a month.  It’s driving me crazy and I’ve already worn through two rabbits (editor’s note: these are vibrating dildos, in case you were wondering there folks).  I’m tired of masturbating and I’m sick of having to perform miracles to get him interested in sex.  He was never THAT into sex, but the older we get, the worse it gets.

I love him, but if things don’t change soon, I’m afraid I’m going to wreck a good thing and cheat. I hope you have some good advice for me. Thanks.

(This movie’s so hot, you really can’t choose who’d you want to ride raw first.)

Signed, Horny as Hell

Dear Horny Hellion,

Ah, nature doth have a sense of humor, doesn’t she? By giving men their highest sex drives in their late teens and women their peaks into their forties, well, you know the gods above are getting a good belly laugh out of us.

Those fuckers.

Anyhoo, I know a lot of women with similar problems, and the first thing I tell them to do is to have their man go to their doctor, and ask for a blood test to check their testoserone levels.  Eight out of ten people I’ve known who have done this has found them to be below average. They have to ask for it, though, because doctors do not perform this test as part of the usual check up.  Also, don’t be surprised if your man gets defensive about doing this…they think it’s a testament to their manhood (to which I say, whatever). Be persistent and don’t be surprised if you have to make the appointment for him.

If the test comes back normal, then stress – the catch-all, annoying phrase we hear all the time – may be the problem.  Which is something you can’t handle for him, BTW, but then you may need to talk to a counselor.  Of course, there could be more serious reasons your man’s little solider doesn’t command to attention like he used to, but don’t go there unless you have to…unfortunately, you’re going to have to be systematic about this to figure out what’s up – or not up – as much as you want, so to speak.

The trick is to make sure you remain as positive as possible throughout this, because getting all wound up and irritated with him will only add more pressure to the situation. I’m going to cross my fingers and uncross my legs and hope it’s the hormonal imbalance, because that’s the easiest thing to treat.  Once the problem resides between his ears, well, that’s a whole other problem that may take months or even years to fix.  The key is, keep talking – don’t let this become the unspoken issue between you two.  If you’re as solid as you say you are, he’ll be just as interested in fixing this as much as you, as long as you let him know how important this is to you.

Good luck, horn dog.

Is it Getting Hot in Here?Playlist Notes: Song Name   Artist   Let’s Do It Together   Blue Six Gorecki   Lamb Eden   Hopscotch The Cosmic Game   Thievery Corporation Undress Me Now   Morcheeba Save a Prayer   Duran Duran Slave to Love   Bryan Ferry Mountain Song   Jane’s Addiction Hear My Train a Comin’ (Electric)   Jimi Hendrix Business Time   Flight of the Conchords

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished – Christmas Edition

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

So I have this really good friend, who also happens to be an ex-boyfriend from a million years ago (okay, about two, and we were friends for a really long time before that).  We split pretty amicably, and there was never really any drama when we made the “Just Friends” switch.  He lives all the way across the country now, but we keep up via email and the occasional IM session.  We’re not as close as we used to be, but we still exchange gifts at birthdays and Christmas and… well, maybe you’ve noticed that Christmas is coming up kind of quickly.  I’ve already got this year’s gift (it’s a really cool book), and I’m ready to send it off, but here’s the problem: He has a brand new live in girlfriend who apparently gets very jealous. Plus, you know, she lives with him.  What’s the protocol here?  Should I send her a present, too?  I don’t really know her, so that seems kind of weird, but she’s really sensitive so maybe I should send her a book or something, too?  Should I pick up a dvd or bake some cookies or something and put both of their names on it?  Should I just send the solo present?  Not send a present at all to avoid causing potential drama for my friend?  Most of the people who have met his girlfriend think just sending that book might cause drama because I’m a female friend and he and I have a prior history.  I just think it kind of sucks that all of a sudden I have to worry about whether or not I should give a friend a Christmas present. I don’t want to cause any problems, though, and I certainly don’t want to hurt the girlfriend’s feelings.  I don’t want to Grinch out on my friend, either.  I usually LOVE picking out and sending gifts to my friends, but this is kind of turning into a great big “AUGH, I have no idea what the best thing to do is and my head hurts and I’m just going to go and drink eggnog until I explode and then I won’t have to worry about it because I’ll just be a giant eggnog splatter in the living room and eggnog splatters can’t mail presents anyway” kind of situation.

Also, what music would you recommend for an overthinker dealing with good friends who are exes, Christmas, and very sensitive live in girlfriends?

Sincerely,

Dude, Christmas used to be easier

Dear Christmas Dudette,

Oh how well acquainted am I with this pickle of a situation.  So let me cut to the quick here: I think you send the book AND some cookies addressed to both of them.  That way, you respect the seriousness of your friend’s new relationship without spending too much extra cash. Since they live together, not acknowledging her in some way would def add unnecessary tension.  And address the card to both of them.  If after that, she has issues with you, then, well, she just has ISSUES.

A fair warning my good intended friend…if your guy friend continues on with this girl, don’t be surprised if you lose the friendship along the way.  Unless you get to meet her and become friends with her too.  And you STILL may lose him if she still thinks you’re a threat. And remember, the one who fucks the guy always wins.

Why do I say this?  Because I used to have a few ex-boyfriends who became really good friends of mine.  And while my husband never had an issue (because he rocks), the girlfriends/wives of my friends sure did.  Slowly but surely, I lost every single one of them (the guy friends of mine who remain were always platonic).  Usually because the gals are the ones who control the social schedule and they made sure to be “too busy.”

But here’s the kicker…friendship is a two-way tango. These ex-boyfriends-turned-friends didn’t insist on keeping the friendship either (at least not that I saw).  So you can do everything right here, and you still may lose him. I hope not.  Remember this too – it is too easy to demonize the current girlfriend, saying if she wasn’t such an insecure mess, you wouldn’t have to worry about all this. And while this is very true, don’t forget your friend chose her – TO LIVE WITH no less – so what does it say about him that he picked a girl threatened so easily?

Anyway, I sincerely wish you the best of luck this holiday. And a drama-free year to come.

ATTENTION MIX TAPERS: This is where I would usually post a mix via the Mixwit system, but they’ve informed me that they’re “going out of business.” So if anyone can share with me a music playing mechanism that actually works on wordpress, please email me. 

10. “Friends of Mine,” (Duran Duran)

 9. “The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance,” (Vampire Weekend)

  8. “Sometimes You Can’t Make It on Your Own,” (U2)

  7. “Jealous Girl,” (Sarah Dashew)

  6. “Tiger, My Friend,” (Psapp)

  5. “The Boy in the Bubble,” (Patti Smith)

  4. “This Woman’s Work,” (Kate Bush)

  3. “Accidental Man,” (The Damnwells)

  2. “Rehearsals for Departures,” (Damien Jurado)

  1. “Ex-Girlfriend,” (American Music Club)

See you in 2009!

10 Worst Baby Names of 2008

You named me WHAT motherfuckers?

I’m sooo going to go ADHD all over your asses when I grow up!

 

Yes folks…it’s that time of year again…Ms. Mix & Bitch’s Worst Names of 2008 List!

While I’ve borrowed the survey results from Celebitchy, here’s my personal take on how – as David Alan Grier from Chocolate News puts it - celebrities “have lost their damn minds” this year:

Worst Boy Names of 2008

 

1. Bronx Mowgli Wentz

son of Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson

It’s difficult to imagine two bigger douche bags getting together and procreating, but here they are…and ain’t it a funny that they named their kid after one of the more unfortunate burroughs of New York AND the village idiot from Disney’s Jungle Book film.  More to the point, I honestly can’t even imagine these two having sex. Does it even know where to put it? Maybe old man Joe gave him some tips (ouch).

O.k…now I’ve grossed myself out.

2. Sophocles Iraia Clement

child of Jermaine Clement and Miranda Manasiadis

This one hurts me a little because I’m a big fan of Flight of the Conchords, but color me stupid because I don’t get the appeal of this name at all.  I mean, if I was going to name my kid after an ancient Greek writer, Sophocles just wouldn’t do it for me.  Maybe Aristotle, and then call him Ari.

Sometimes being eccentric for the sake of saying you’re eccentric just makes you look like an ass.

3. Barnaby Borstein Douglas

son of Alex Borstein and Jackson Douglas

Both Borstein and Douglas are decent enough character actors, but maybe they saw having a kid as some kind of PR manuever, thinking it’ll give them some much-coveted front page press.

Too bad, ’cause now they’re stuck with a kid named after the TV guy, Barnaby Jones. And that’s just sad.

4. Major Harris

son of Rapper T.I., nee Clifford Joseph Harris Jr., and Tameka “Tiny” Cottle

I don’t know dick about Rapper T.I., except for the fact that Major is his sixth child (of course, not all by Ms. Tiny). I guess when you have so many, you lose steam trying to find something clever. Although you would think him being on house arrest, he’d have the time to figure out something better than…Major.

I don’t want to rank too hard on this one. Their last child was still-born, and that just makes Ms. Bitch quiet for a change.

5. Vincenzo Kainalu Hammett

son of Kirk Hammett and Lani Hammett

You know what? I know all the polls are dissing on this name, but I think Vincenzo is hot. And I’m a Metallica fan too, so I’m giving this one a proper bitch slap on the backside and declare it good and done.

Worst Girl Names of 2008

1. Jagger Joseph Blue Goldberg

daughter of Soleil Moon Frye and Jason Goldberg

Again, I think calling a girl Jagger is not so bad, but I do take issue with Jews naming a kid with 3 to 5 names. What do you think you are – a Catholic? Whateve…oh and please note the use of ‘blue’ as middle name. That makes, like, SEVEN celebrities who have used the color as a gateway moniker between first and last. Can you name them? Can ya, can ya?

2. Luisa Danbi Grier-Kim

daughter of David Alan Grier and Christine Kim

I just adore Grier’s new show, Chocolate News, on Comedy Central. Seriously. As far as naming their daughter, Luisa, I think it’s innocuous enough – although I can’t get that kid from “The Sound of Music” out of my head.  Remember them? Luisa, Brigitta, Leisl (that slut in the glass house), Gretl, Frederick and the rest of the Aryan merry men? I’d throw this name in the same category as the millions of others that have come back into vogue since the late nineties – Names of Your Grandmom That are Suddenly “Hip” Again.  Like Sophie and Isabelle, Eva and Belle.  Sounds like a castana club from Boca Raton. But have at it…there are much worse out there, as we all know, kitty kat.

3. Atalanta Baez

child of  Carolina Herrera and Miguel Baez

I know naming children after places where the parents have little to no connection to is still considered tres fabulous, but I’m sorry. For Herrera and Baez to name their child Atalanta? Puhleeze…maybe if they were local hip hop royalty, but international European jet set trash? It just doesn’t make sense to my little pea brain. And what’s with the extra “a” in the middle? To drag out the accent and butcher the nonplume even more??

4. Egypt Bennett

daughter of Paris Bennett

Ok…so 1/3 of the worst names of 2008 are after locations. See a pattern folks? Bad enough the Idol finalist is named Paris (a word I used to adore until whas-her-name sullied it rotten), but to name your daughter after Egypt. Alright, maybe it’s a black thing. I guess I can wrap my head around that one…but to me it’s like a Jewish couple naming their child Judea or Mesopatania. It may be ancient and our people may have ties, but dammit, it just sounds, well, STUPID.

5. Mabel Ray Mulroney

daughter of Dermot Mulroney and Tharita Catulle

So, if a good chunk of the very very bbbaaaaaadd girl’s names are after places, guess what some of the others are?

Yep, old ladies from the Depression Era.

Mabel Ray? MABLE RAY? Wow, just give the girl some orthodontic headgear and a deviated septum and you’ve got yourself a winner. Don’t forget to throw in a love for everything Jane Austen and an OCD condition only assuaged by knitting and we’re lining up very nicely with this moniker.

 Plus, her dad can’t act for shit and I think he has a horseface, but that’s just me. I’m just not into punk-ass, mediocre idiots. Color me crazy – just leave out the blue.

Houston, We Have a Problem

Dear Ms. Mix & Bitch,

Even though this is a complicated story, I’m going to keep this short. 

I grew up in a boring suburb just outside of Houston, and by the way, Houston doesn’t have a lot to offer either.  I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there, and I did. I worked hard and was admitted to Yale University.  I absolutely love it, and have really come into my own.

Anyway, I’m about to go home for the holidays, and honestly,  I wish I was going anywhere else.  They’re basically good people, but I feel I’ve outgrown them. They’re into NASCAR and Toby Keith and voted for Bush twice.  That’s fine I guess, it’s just not me. It never was. 

How am I supposed to survive almost a month there? I have only a couple of friends I want to see (who also got out, and are going to Swathmore and Georgetown).  But that’s it.  Even though my family says they’re proud of me, they also constantly tease me, calling me “the girl in the ivory tower,” “too good for my britches,” etc. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes there seems to be a nasty undertone to it.

I already tried to go home with some of my friends from college, but my mom threw a fit, and I gave in since they’re sacrificing so much to send me to Yale in the first place. So, how do I get through it?

Signed,  Ashley

Dear Ashley,

Ah…to be 18 again. I remember actually thinking when I was 18, “I know everything. Really, there’s nothing I don’t know.” 

By the time I got to 21, I realized I knew nothing. What’s my point? It’s this baby girl… it’s good to feel pride over your accomplishments. It’s crucial to the human spirit to grow and change and learn. All good stuff. And no one can take that away from you. But there’s more to the big picture than just you.

Most young people I know are also embarassed by their parents. But in short, they’re your family. Even with the cultural divide, they know you better than you think they do. And the nasty comments – while certainly uncool and unpleasant – are their way of dealing with the anxiety of losing you. They may be “simple” in your mind, but they’re not stupid. I am sure you are oozing disdain for everything they love, and they take that as a personal rejection.

Here’s an idea…when you go home this time, go out of your way to spend some time with them, doing some of the things they enjoy. If they start shooting off their mouths, tell them that while you may not like NASCAR, you love them and want to enjoy your time with them before heading back to school.  If they still keep going (because sarcasm is a hard habit to break for some), let them know it’s not so funny to you, and that you want to be accepted for who you are.

And remember this, Ash…if they didn’t believe in you, they wouldn’t be footing the bill for Yale (I’m involuntarily affixiating myself just thinking about it).  This is a very fixable situation, if you’re smart.  And hopefully you will learn that fostering relationships in your life is the true measure of a person’s worth and intelligence.

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1.	The Damnwells – Texas
2.	American Music Club – I Know That’s Not Really You
3.	Elliott Smith – Bottle Up And Explode!
4.	Laura Veirs – Where Gravity Is Dead
5.	Beck – Orphans
6.	Death Cab For Cutie – Your New Twin Sized Bed
7.	Damien Jurado – Go First
8.	idlewild – There’s Glory In Your Story
9.	Sly & The Family Stone – Family Affair
10.	Joshua Radin – You Got Growin’ Up To Do

Ok, Just One More Plug, Then Back to Business…

 

Look for another piece, on all things, the virtues of Southern rock on Pajiba  later today.

Promise to post something original in the next couple of days…